When I Was a Kid... But Now I am an Adult...
I was thinking, the other day, of all the cool things I thought were cool when I was younger, but now, years and years later, I realize there was nothing cool about them at all. For instance, the super bouncy ball you get from a grocery store was about to make the list. They're were awesome. For a quarter you get a ball, go right outside and smack it as hard as you can to see how high it goes, and whether or not you'll catch it. Problem with that is this - it's still cool.
1. A change machine. I noticed this the other day when I was doing laundry. It was a blast to get the dollar bills and feed them into the machine to get 4 quarters. Awesome. Now, if I don't get back 4 quarters I go ape shit on the machine. What's even worse about those damn things, is that half the time it rejects my bills. Crisp, brand new, but rejected. Deep down inside, I think the change machine is a methophor for my life, to date. But I will change that, starting right now (won thgir gnitrats ,taht egnahc lliw I tuB)... get it? I changed right then, but it spit it out. Kind of like how the machine kicks back my dollar bills...it kicked out my "but i will change" sentence... it goes in one way, out the other... get it? Do I really need to be explaining this? Is this making sense? End.
2. Smoke bombs. What the hell was the point of a blue smoke bomb? Green ones? Don't get it. Were smoke bombs part of the CIAs operative to get us into government work? We light it, throw it in a hallway and move in with fake water machine guns?
3. Water guns. Seriously, I mean, it was cool when the super soaker first came out, but water gun fights sucked. If you were actually physically hurt from it, fine, but you have no reason to dodge the water. Pointless.
4. Training wheels. What a waste of time. Just throw me on a bike and let me learn. I'd be rippin' up the streets as a 3 year old on my own bike. Word. I wish I could go back in time.
5. Rakes. I thought rakes were cool, especially the metal ones. But now I realized that blowers are 100 times better and rakes are so 1980's. The thing with rakes is that you NEVER have a good one. Ok, lets start off with a metal one. By far, the best performing rake on the market. It soars over the enlarged plastic one. However, the rake arms always get tangled, and when you untangle them, it looks like it has an erection. Now, plastic ones. For some reason, when making pastic rakes, the inventor decided to go big. I saw a plastic rake that is the size of my lawn, the other day. But plastic ones break. You hit a rock, it's cracked. Metal is key, plastic is useless, but blowers are MON$Y.
Ok, so, let me recap now. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I will expand, as my list (yes, I have a list, but when you are getting laid off at work and have nothing to do, you do crazy things) is at work and I am at my apartment. I just talked about rakes, training wheels and smoke bombs. I wrote 50 words on how my life is like a fucking change machine. Seriously, if you are with me right HERE, right now, I don't know who needs more help. But thank you.
1. A change machine. I noticed this the other day when I was doing laundry. It was a blast to get the dollar bills and feed them into the machine to get 4 quarters. Awesome. Now, if I don't get back 4 quarters I go ape shit on the machine. What's even worse about those damn things, is that half the time it rejects my bills. Crisp, brand new, but rejected. Deep down inside, I think the change machine is a methophor for my life, to date. But I will change that, starting right now (won thgir gnitrats ,taht egnahc lliw I tuB)... get it? I changed right then, but it spit it out. Kind of like how the machine kicks back my dollar bills...it kicked out my "but i will change" sentence... it goes in one way, out the other... get it? Do I really need to be explaining this? Is this making sense? End.
2. Smoke bombs. What the hell was the point of a blue smoke bomb? Green ones? Don't get it. Were smoke bombs part of the CIAs operative to get us into government work? We light it, throw it in a hallway and move in with fake water machine guns?
3. Water guns. Seriously, I mean, it was cool when the super soaker first came out, but water gun fights sucked. If you were actually physically hurt from it, fine, but you have no reason to dodge the water. Pointless.
4. Training wheels. What a waste of time. Just throw me on a bike and let me learn. I'd be rippin' up the streets as a 3 year old on my own bike. Word. I wish I could go back in time.
5. Rakes. I thought rakes were cool, especially the metal ones. But now I realized that blowers are 100 times better and rakes are so 1980's. The thing with rakes is that you NEVER have a good one. Ok, lets start off with a metal one. By far, the best performing rake on the market. It soars over the enlarged plastic one. However, the rake arms always get tangled, and when you untangle them, it looks like it has an erection. Now, plastic ones. For some reason, when making pastic rakes, the inventor decided to go big. I saw a plastic rake that is the size of my lawn, the other day. But plastic ones break. You hit a rock, it's cracked. Metal is key, plastic is useless, but blowers are MON$Y.
Ok, so, let me recap now. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I will expand, as my list (yes, I have a list, but when you are getting laid off at work and have nothing to do, you do crazy things) is at work and I am at my apartment. I just talked about rakes, training wheels and smoke bombs. I wrote 50 words on how my life is like a fucking change machine. Seriously, if you are with me right HERE, right now, I don't know who needs more help. But thank you.
posted by Vandelay Industries @ 7:18 PM
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