So, I get home around 5ish nowadays. I used to work like a madman, but now, since my company is getting bought out, I am out at 5 at the latest. I change out of my work clothes and watch a little TV – maybe some news, nothing good though. Mr. FuckTwat (yes, I said FuckTwat NOT Mr. Ignoramus… that is how much he has been pissing me off lately) usually strolls in anywhere from 6:15ish to 7:30. Sometimes he closes the door, sometimes he leaves it wide open. Sometimes he takes his keys out of the lock, sometimes he doesn’t. Sometimes he looks at the mail, other times he just walks over it. NEVER does he actually PICK it up. Look, walk over, but never actually pick it UP.
I will interrupt here to rant a short while. Keep in mind, the FuckTwat is home for seconds before I am raged by his ignorance. Who forgets to take the key out of the door? Ok, maybe once or twice, but once or twice a week?! “I don’t have anything valuable to steal.” That was his response when I told him, “Hey, can you take your keys out of the door next time?” He doesn’t have anything to steal – no shit. Him not having any money directly relates to the mail he leaves behind. FuckTwat leaves his credit card bills unopened, just sitting on the floor. Maybe once every 2 months (every 2 or 3 weeks, I take his mail and give him the 1 day warning, which is essentially me putting all of his shit mail in a bag next to the door. It is in the garbage within 12 hours) he actually looks in the bag and takes the bill out and places it on the coffee table. He had a balance (I didn’t open his mail, I merely glanced. Remember, he leaves it OPEN, wide open, on the coffee table in the living room) of under $300 but his credit card was suspended because his card was 4 months past due. About 40% of the $300 was due to late charges and finance charges. The kid can afford to pay the minimum, probably 50% of it immediately, but he is so fucking dumb. I don’t understand this. A 25yr old FINANCE major has a credit score lower than Verne Troyer. Sad.
On the same note, let’s talk about how he gets his “free” magazine subscriptions. This is hilarious. He got the XBOX system from Best Buy. Now, the only reason I know this next bit of info is because I was at Best Buy the day before and someone bought an XBOX in front of me. When you buy the XBOX you get 4 free issues of EGM (some video game magazine). Also, whenever you buy anything at Best Buy, they offer you 10 free weeks of some sort of shit magazine. Anyway, I remember coming home, this being months later after his purchase, and he PICKED up his mail, except the magazine. He had ‘friends’ over and I said “Hey, you want your magazine?” His reply was that “it wasn’t his.” My reply is where all of his friends laughed at him. I said, “Well, it has your name on it.” I then notified him that he may want to cancel it since he is being charged… Never did. Same thing with Sports Illustrated. During a phone conversation with his friend, he said, “Oh yeah, I keep getting Sports Illustrated for free. I don’t know why, but I do.” There are bills sent to this place every other week. He has no clue. None. Because he doesn’t check the mail. Why would he want to open the mail that says, “Bill, please pay!” from Sports Illustrated when you are getting it for free?
Please keep in he has been home for seconds.
He always puts on the hallway light, even though it does nothing. Odd. So, he walks in his rooms, changes, I guess, then right to the bathroom where he brushes his teeth for the first of many times. The other day he walked in at 6:05 and I left at 7:00 because within those 55 minutes he brushed his teeth, used Listerine, gargled FOUR times. FOUR TIMES. Not only that, but he clears his throat and spits in the sink about 10-15 times after each individual gargle. No a classy female spit, but rather, a deep-from-the-lungs-make-sure-everyone-hears-me-within-a-20-mile-radius spit. I am usually never home from 6pm on, since I have a life, but he must use his toothbrush 19 times a day. He got 4 extra large bottle of Listerine for Christmas. Now, wouldn’t it be courteous to close the door when he is doing this? No. Not to him. He goes back and fourth to the bathroom and his room so he doesn’t miss and of the Red Sox game. And then he leaves the door open longer when he spits so he can HEAR the game. What’s even worse is when he does this in the kitchen sink. I don’t get it. Does he not see the dishes in the sink? Is the extra 3 feet to the bathroom that far? This is fucking disturbing.
Ok, so now you know what I have to deal with. I’d rather have a head-to-toe case of Herpes and Syphilis, combined. How can someone who is 25 have no manners? How can someone be so irresponsible? How does someone like this live in today’s society? Why was I so fucking dumb to renew my lease with this creature?
Some of this stuff sounds too fake to be real, but it is all real. I swear. It is depressing that someone lives like this, but it is true. It is depressing someone doesn’t even take other roommates into consideration when living with them. I don’t get it. I never will. I know I grew up faster in my teenage years, but I do not know any 25yr old people living like this.
The quote I laugh out the most came during the first month or two I had lived with him. It was at this point when I knew his first love was with the Listerine bottle. We get into a cab with another person – my best friend up here… someone that can tolerate FuckTwat, but hides all disbeliefs tha she comes across when she hangs out with him. “FuckTwat,” she says with a slight hint of rudeness (very slight), “did you use Listerine or something?” Her head moves slightly towards the cab window, her lips curl and throat clogs as she looks like she may puke. FuckTwat turns to her and chuckles, “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
No. It wasn’t.
