Just Keepin it Real (but what is 'it?')

Why no 9?

2007-01-04T12:07:00.000-05:00

My phone (not cell phone, a cordless phone), which is somewhat high-tech, has a speaker setting which I use frequently. I like it. It's good. It's clear. It does the job.

However, I have one gripe. I go to increase the volume as my printer hammers out my plans, and I notice three beeps when I hit volume level 8. It goes no higher. Why not 9 or 10? Why stop at 8? 8 is plenty loud, but to 9, at least.

The Best A Man Can Get

2007-01-02T21:41:00.000-05:00

I like football. I love hockey.

However, when January 1 comes of any year, I dedicate my day to watching bowl games. Some pointless, some very worthwhile. I wanted to watch the Rose Bowl more than any other game this season. I was pulling for USC since the start of the year. I have no alliance to them, nor any other D1 school, so I thought I would pull for USC since no one gave them credit. Long story short, USC won.

I won, too, because I watched the Fiesta Bowl, too. Lucky me, and lucky to whoever else watched the whole game - it was amazing. The best football game I have ever watched. Period.

Sure, the Titans-Rams Superbowl was great, as was last yers Rose Bowl. Nothing compared to what I witnessed last night.

I thought Boise State would win... and they were on their way, until something happened and suddendly they were down by a TD with 50 seconds to go and the ball on the 50yd line. Huh? Yeah.

'Huh' seemed to the motto of the Boise State Bronco's opponents, Oklahoma, last night.

Huh#1 - Boise State throwing and INT... sorry, a TD pass to Oklahoma with 60+ seconds left. They were going to win in regulation, but they threw the pass to the wrong team. I was confused. So was Oklahoma, but they didn't care.

Huh #2 - the hook and ladder to tie the game with 7 seconds left. The play NEVER works. You want proof? It isn't even a play in the Madden football games. That means it does NOT work. But it did. It worked to perfection. It sent the game to OT.

Huh#3 - 4th and 2. A TD needed to keep you in the bowl game. And you motion your QB out of the pocket. Snap it to your WR. And throw it to someone wearing 91. And it works. 'Nuff said.

Huh#4 - I understand going for 2 to WIN the game. I do. There was 40+ points on the board by now. No defense is going to win the game. So, you have to win, or lose trying... Well, again... they pulled a play out of their ass... The Statue of Liberty play... and it worked (I'm not surprised at this point... see Huh#1-3). It worked to perfection. The guy went in the endzone to win the bowl game...untouched.

An unreal game. A game for the ages. It'll be an Instant Classic on ESPN within the next week. No doubt (except it was a Fox game). I will watch it again. I may buy it on iTunes if available. I have witnessed very few sporting events that proved to be so exciting, and none like that in football.

If you went to sleep with Boise State ahead in the 4th... I'm sorry. I truly am.

Scott, you are an ANIMAL!!! Awww-OOOOOO!!!

2006-12-31T13:12:00.000-05:00

I have a quite depressing obsession with Teen Wolf. I owned it on VHS years and years ago, and I think I may have it in the basement of my house at this very moment. Whenever the movie comes on HBO, I watch it. I have to. I feel like I need to rent it if I do not watch it when it is on. It truly is a great flick.

Now, my problem with this movie lies within my failure to believe the plot. I know it is fiction, but I have the same type of issues with most novels - if it is fiction, then why bother watching it or reading it?

Case in point - I have a problem with not a single reporter showing up to one of Scott Howard's basketball game after the kid turns into a Werewolf. The kid changed into a freak of nature (no Barry Bonds, you cannot buy pills to turn into a werewolf) and not one single reporter shows up? This could send a rookie reporter to CNN overnight.

Again, the guy turns into a wolf in the middle of a game of basketball and they just continue? I could have used some realism in that scene... if possible.

The only real part is that Scott Howard admits to being bad at basketball. I liked that. He sucks. Oh, and at the end, when they come down from the bleachers, a kid realizes that his fly is completely down and his pants are un-buttoned... not sure how it made it past the editing crew, but it did.

The only problem I have with this movie is that there is a sequel, Teen Wolf Too (classy), and it blows. No MJ Fox... and it is boxing, which I love as a sport, but not when a werewolf is involved.

The Telephone

2006-12-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

The other day, friends of mine and I discussed the general telephone conversation. Not sure how we got into it, but we did.

When talking to someone outside of the region, the following questions are always asked:

1. How's the weather? - really, who cares. I know it is an ice breaker of some sort, but seriously, the weather? Isn't that the last thing someone, outside of the region, would want to know?

2. How's work going? - Work is the same for 99% of the people in America. Work goes, and it goes, then it goes. It's a way of living for the majority of people and that's it. If someone gets promoted, chances are that they'll call you and let you know. Until that happens, work is just, 'going.'

3. Whatcha doing? - Well, I was making steak and eggs but they got burnt when someone called to ask me a pointless question.

4. Seen any good movies lately? - Yeah, actually I just finished watching The Goonies for the trillionth time and I still cannot believe Mikey and Co. tied his brother up with a piece of exercise equipment. I mean, those kids are up to the wackiest things!

Idea #1

2006-11-14T23:15:00.000-05:00

I would love to brainstorm and then write a comedy show. A comedy show of any kind - TV pilot, sketch or even a play. It is hard for me to do since I am not 'just a writer' (inside joke), but every now and then I have ideas. Ideas that can work. Tonight, I had an idea, that if brainstormed, could work.

I was at the mall today and since it was cold and rainy, I through on a hooded sweatshirt (or a hoody, as the kids call 'em these days). It was an 'Under Armour' sweatshirt, that had the 'X (u/a)' logo on it - nothing fancy.

As I walked in the mall to the store, I saw an Army recruiting station. Then, the idea popped in my head. Me, sitting down on a mall bench talking on my cell because I hate the "Walk and Talk." Right when I hang up, Mr. GI Joe comes up to me with saying, "Son, do you want time it is? It's time to protect this house. This house being the USA."

I don't know where I would go from there, but the episode would include an Army recruiter using the Under Armour slogan ("we must protect this house!") to pull in a new recruit, who he thinks is young because of the sweatshirt.

I have ideas from there - maybe the guy he recruits gives him BS for a while and screws with him, then gets detained for messing with the Armed Forces. Maybe that is the end of the episode where the guy gets mistaken for a youngster the whole day and that is the cherry on top. I don't know. But it will work. And Uncle Sam wants YOUR help!

33

2006-11-13T19:54:00.000-05:00

Since one of my favorite hockey players is going into the hall of fame tonight, here is the best moment in the career of Patrick Roy... and it comes when he isn't on the ice.

The Video

The video is the top 10 sports disses of all time. Roy/Roenick is number 3.

S...l......o.............w.... motion

2006-11-13T09:54:00.000-05:00

- I was watching a fight on HBO this past weekend and was ashtonished by the "super slo-mo" that HBO used for fights. During the knockout combonation, you actually see the fighters face take brutal punishment. You feel it. It is horrifying how someone can endure this pain, but it is also something you must see.

The video goes to slow-mo around 35 seconds.

You don't get the full feeling since the quality is poor, but his face gets punished. As does his brain.

Out on the Horizon

2006-11-11T11:53:00.000-05:00

Day: November 10
Time: Before Sunrise
What Happened?

It was a weird dream. I just fell into the middle of the country, somewhere. As I started to piece it together, I realized I could see nothing but the horizon. I was stuck in my own damn dream. Stuck. Couldn't see a thing but the horizon. Then I realized where I was.

I was Forrest Gump.

I started to run, and run I did. As I started to run, some Bob Seger music started to play. I was then joined by people, not Jen-ny, but random people. I could hear them behind me, but couldn't see them. Still, the horizon was the only thing I could see.

I stopped, turned around, and ...woke up.

Strange.

I'm Bart Simpson, Who the Hell are You!?

2006-11-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

Ah yes, Bart Simpson. I'm going to give this post a whirl and see what happens. The reason for this post is due in large part to a radio show on Sirius (Covino and Rich on the Maxim channel), in which they brought up a Simpsons t-shirt one of them wore back in the day.

THE Simpsons t-shirt to owne when I was growing up was the "I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you!?" shirt. You could wear it to school, but if you did, you had to have the 'hell' portion of it covered with masking tape or duct tape (duct tape, yes. Makes you wonder, on a side note, what the school was doing with a large supply of duct tape.). So, the local shop in my town that was making these shirts had an edited version that omitted the 'hell' from the catch phrase. Ah censorship. It started.

Bart was so bad back then. Dennis the Menace had a slingshot, but so did Bart, and BArt was evil. "Underachiever and proud of it, dude!" was the coolest poster because it had Bart on a skateboard and depicted such a disprespect for homework. But it was evil. "East my shorts!" started to get evil looks when said. This is a cartoon for chirst sakes. Bart Simpson.

Bart Simpson started censorship.

Then Bart became a role model. I have no idea how, but he did. I am struggling to come up with when he became a role model of sorts, but I know he did, to an extent. Maybe because the show brought families together.

It all started with a t-shirt, a sling shot and censorship was born.

not that there's anything wrong with it...

2006-11-05T20:05:00.000-05:00

Neil Patrick Harris is gay. Saddam Hussein was being sentenced to death via hanging (about time) and Neil Patrick Harris coming out was the top story on CNN.

I'll say this - "I don't care."

He's gay. I still love 'his' show. 'How I Met Your Mother' is a great show and that will never change. You want to know something else that will never change? Referring to NPH as 'Doogie.' Further proof? Check out the website address from CNN about this story:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/11/04/doogie.ap/index.html

Notice, ...Doogie.ap/index.html

Poor guy.

Who Goes to What?

2006-11-04T22:36:00.000-05:00

- When I enter the Gold's Gym that I am a member at, I usually stare at a nice sized replica canvas of autographed celeb's. 3 ALWAYS catch my eye - Bronson Pinchot, Tom Selleck and Chuck Woolery. There is not much more to this, except that out of all he other celeb's - Aronold, etc... - those three autographs catch my eye all the time.

- When Borat sings, "Throw the Jew Down the Well" in the TV Series, 'Da Ali G Show', it always gets me going. I know it's funny because we know his character is a joke and is trying to get laughs out to us. Now, when I see the scene again, I get a kick out of the white trash that join in on his song full-throttle, and start rocking out. They're into it. All of the bar is into it, except for 2 people. 2 men in the scene are stunned as to what is going on. It's quite terrifying.

- I can no longer stay up late. I just made a pot of coffee so I can watch the Penguins play on a Sat night. If I had a beer, I'd pass out before the puck hits the ice.

- The best part of getting the NHL Center Ice Package is being able to watch the feeds in cities that you are not familair with. Tonight, I am in San Jose...

- I am interested in seeing how much 'Borat' grossed this weekend. $30MM+? My guess - $36MM. I'm going high.

I Be Gaming!

2006-11-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

I very rarely play video games nowadays. Actually, I haven't played on in well over a year or so, probably. However, that has nothing to do with this post.

I have been hooked on the new Microsoft ad campaign for "Gears of War" which is so eloquently orchestrated to a background of War. There is no gunfire to be heard. No screaming, no crying, no buildings collapsing. Just the song, "Mad World," playing to the desctrution of War. It is simply amazing. The ad gets me hooked every time I watch it. And when I do see it when flipping through the TV, I watch it. I always do.

I found this article on MSNBC which gives it credit, too. Along with this article, you can find a link to the commercial as well as 'mash ups.' The original is still the best.

Wednursday

2006-11-01T22:38:00.000-05:00

Every now and then, two days morph into one. Today and tomorrow, I am sure, will be one of those days for me. I call this phenomenoum, "Wednursday."

How does this happen? It usually starts off with an early morning wake up call, tons of work (or play), very little sleep, a late dinner, a late bedtime, and then just a few hours of sleep before the next day (or is it the same day?) kicks into full gear. Overall, it is like one gigantic day.

In my case, I was up at 6am on Wednesday. I worked, worked and worked until a meeting at 3pm. Following the traffic jam on my way home, I worked some more, hit the gym, grabbed some food, had a late dinner, watched the Penguins (currently in that part of the day now), had a few hours of sleep (the game will end around 1:30, which means I will be in bed by 2ish, at the earliest), wake up early tomorrow (6am again, maybe 7am) and work until the day gains stability. It is a busy, hectic schedule - all because the Penguins are on a West Coast road trip - that morphs into two full days.

Wednursday is not common. Friturday is common, as is Satunday.

It's been 2+ years before the Penguins had a West Siiiide road trip (no games on the west coast last year, no season the year before), so I am about to enjoy...

(except for the fact that the Kings just scored 25 seconds into the game)

A Small Case of Mental Retardation

2006-10-30T22:11:00.000-05:00

Recently, a friend of mine found out that I can no longer write cursive without total concentration, and even then, I still cannot remember what a lowercase "v" looks like. I can't do it anymore, I can't.

It all started back in elementary school when I was first taugh it. I hated it. It makes me think too much when I am writing, and I didn't like it. I held a grude to my teacher for even bringing it up that year. Anyway, after years of being in grade school, I made it to Jr. High, baby.

And with Jr. High came print. As teh english language was intended to be written. To this day, I cannot write in curvise, nor do I have any desire to. The only reason I did the other day was because the subject was brought up.

My signature is just a few lines. I cannot do it. I don't care anymore, anyways. I'd rather write in Spanish than in cursive, and I'd probably be better at it, too.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

2006-10-22T22:05:00.000-04:00

- The above quote is from Steven Wright. His Comedy Central special this weekend was one of the funniest I've seen on that channel - ever. The delivery and sting his jokes have are wonderful. If you can get some time to watch it, please do yourself a favor and spend 1 hour of your day laughing.

- I think I just saw The Cougar in a commercial for Chevy. Yes. John Cougar Mellencamp is in a Chevy commercial.

- Kenny Rogers was hated a year or two ago when he 'smacked' a camera man on the baseball field. Now he is the most beloved pitcher in the World Series. Says a lot about the other 20+ pitchers.

- I have a Fantasy Model team online. Even when I lose, I win.

- Soup season is about 2 days away. Bring it on.

Everybody coming down to meet the M-E-T-S Mets of New York town!

2006-10-17T20:04:00.000-04:00

- why is it that when you go online and see a book or a CD for sale, it will always have a tag, "Available NOW where Books or CDs are sold!" No shit. I thought I could go down to the butcher and buy the latest Destiny Child CD. You know what I'm going to do now? I'm going to find an artist I hate, one I really dislike. And I am going to send them fan mail complaining about how I went to Starbucks but their CD wasn't there. Starbucks sells CDs, and your site says 'Available now where CDs are sold!"

- It took me a record amount of time yesterday to realize why I did not decsend any floors in the elevator yesterday. 17 seconds before I realized I never hit a button.

- Keep in mind, I have a college degree.

- I now live in a suburb. Want proof? I went to the mall the other day, and as I was walking back to my car (I got a decent spot), someone pulled up to me and said, "Are you getting out?" I looked at them, then looked to the right, the left, and said, "Yes." It was October 12th, in the afternoon, and there were spots galore, but mine was the closest one to the enterance. If you live in a city, you get the spot you see open, no questions asked. If you live in a suburb, you go for the one closest to the exit.

- What would you do right now, if the Earth went off it's current roation? Remember those kids from a school in China who had everyone in the country try and jump at the same time to throw Earth out of orbit? Who approved that?

- Where is Will Smith?

- When does rock music become, "classic rock?" When will the tunes from the 60's become "oldies?"

- And for my hockey comment of the post - The Penguins got win #3 of the season in 2005/6 in game #13 on November 3. Tomorrow is October 18, and their 5th game of the year. They have 2 wins and 2 losses. They also get the "best player to not yet play in the NHL" on their team tomorrow. It is also Sidney Crosby bobblehead night. The house will be packed. And as much as I have faith in this team, if tey do lose, theu're in trouble. Tomorrow's outcome will dictate the rest of the year. Malkin... good luck.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a...

2006-10-15T14:56:00.000-04:00

... cup of coffee?

... football jersey?

... used book from BN.com?

... hybrid Camry?

... John Deere mower?

... HD TV?

***********************
The times are changing. How do I know? Because of network TV. Years ago, CSI became, and still is to some degree, one of TVs biggest hits. Then every network followed suit with crime dramas. Spinoffs of CSI appeared more frequently than a pimple on a teeneger. And then came new crime dramas. And another, another, another and another. Finally, a few years later and here we are. New shows have come and made an impression, which should quiet the crime drama spinoffs. Such new COMEDY shows such as The Office, 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother has brought comedy back to network primetime TV.

Now, don't get me wrong, CSI, the original, is still good and worthy of TV time. So are all the Law and Order shows. But that's about it. I am happy that networks see the new trend is comedy - not crime dramas and thankfully, no more reality.

My one gripe is the continuing success of Deal or No Deal. Since this is a hit, and continues to be one, expect to see a flood of boring, pointless TV game shows. Those game shows will take up valuable time from great comedies that will never get the time of day to make it.

Settle Down Dream

2006-10-10T08:05:00.000-04:00

I knew this would happen, even thought I tried to make it not happen - I had a dream last night and I tried to hold onto the thoughts for this morning. It wasn't a nightmare, just a bizarre dream. I was trying to go somewhere. Where you ask? I don't know, but somewhere. And the only way to get there wa to type in the address in the address bar, like the internet.

Here's the catch -I couldn't type, write, think it, or use my hands to get the letters in the address bar (which was right above my head). I had to kick the letters. Big letters. In the street. Through puddles. And somehow get them ABOVE me into the address bar. It never happened.

I do wonder where I was headed, though. I wonder what it would have been like to go somewhere via the dream world web. Would I have been transferred in bytes? Man on man, what a crazy dream.

The Hulkster's Daughter

2006-10-08T11:19:00.000-04:00

So, as I try to fall asleep last night, I flipped through each of the 75+ channels available to my non-digital box TV upstairs. I stopped on VH1 to catch Brooke Hogan singing and movin'. She's hot. No doubt about that. None. She has the look. She has the body. She has a father that almost any male would enjoy to meet - even if he doesn't like wrestling.

As I stare at her in this video a while longer, I realized something - she's awful. The music is brutal. Her voice isn't anything special. It's horrendous. It was maybe, maybe, one of the worst music videos I have ever watched in my entire life. Paris Hilton's video wasn't great either, but the music was better. (I cannot believe I just said that, but I did.)

Let her dance. Ler her move. Let her get camera time. 18 yr old Brooke has everything, except musical talent.

I. AM. Canadian! Wait, no I'm not.

2006-10-04T20:23:00.001-04:00

Ok, so hockey season is here. Beautiful! Now, I saw a great Molson commercial on TV, and it just so happens to be that I am drinking a Molson to ring in the new season. I enjoyed the commercial so much, that I went back and ranked a few of the past Molson ones - but not including the one I just saw.

They are all funny, and appeal to most people, not just the common hockey fan.

And these are in no particular order, since they are all humorous.

- Hockey players smell. Their equipment smells even worse.

- I'm a fighter, not a lover, ey! You lumberjack!

- Pet beaver. Beaver. You said Beaver.

- Speaking of beaver.

- This is the PREQUEL to the video that started this whole topic.

- And to wrap it all up, if this worked, it would be wonderful.

Now, back to he games.

Oh-Deee! O.D., O.D., O.D., Oh-Deee, Oh-Deee!!!

2006-10-03T19:02:00.000-04:00

Man on man, where to start. Tomorrow is a great day. Hockey beings its 06/07 season. Thursday, the Penguins kick off their season, and they'll be better (well, it's not hard to improve on 29th overall). After Saturday's Pens game vs Detroit ends, it'll get insane.

Welcome back, to, welcome back. I decline to call him, TO, and therefore, will call him to. As in, "The Cowgirls will go to Philly and be shat upon."

I don't like to. I used to like him, but no longer. Hold out for money, fine, it's a business. I have no problem with that. He still played the game and contributed. Then he called out McNabb and he became enemy number 1.

It'll be a blood bath on Sunday. Looking forward to it. Maybe looking forward to it enough to go down to Philly and take it all in.

Top 50 of 2000

2006-10-02T18:17:00.000-04:00

The year - 2000. The top search? Britney Spears. Follwed by Dragonball, Pokemon, WWF and 'N Sync. Amazing. Dragonball? Just looking through the list is quite astonishing. Here are some random thoughts as I peer through the list.

#8 - Naspter. Remember the days of Naspster? Every MP3 came from Napster or LimeWire. Napster was the cool thing to use back in 2000, and the web searches proved this.

#16 - Christmas. Who the hell searches for Christmas? And what for? It jumped up 13 spots from last year, too.

#18 - Anna Kournikova. Oh where have you gone, Anna? Where? Please come back and try to win at least one tournament. Do it for you. And wear a short skirt for us.

#26 - Gundamn Wing. Huh?

#47-49 - Tupac, Limp Bizkit, DMX. Top notch, top quality artists start to round out the top 50.

Interestingly enough, Big Brother, is the only reality TV show listed. Or is it meant to be, "Big Brother is watching?" No clue. I go with reality TV show.

#50 search of the week is Elf Bowling. Elf Bowling. These searches get me every time. They're interesting enough to look through, laugh, and never go to again. But I bet... I'd put money on it...someone is going to Google, "Elf Bowling" when you're done reading this... Hey, wait, don't go!

And, You're Back on Live!

2006-10-02T00:12:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been a long time since I left you, left you...

I had some work related issues to attend to, but I think I'm back. For the long run? Who knows. I spent a little time changing the layout and will continue to tweak it as the days go on. However, it is October 1, well, now Oct 2, and that means it is almost time for...

Hockey season. Oh yeah. I cannot wait. October 2nd the Eagles play on MNF, then Oct 3 is a rest day before the season kicks off on Oct 4. Three games. I'll be parked in front of the TV from 7-12ish. Good thing I have to travel most of the day on the 5th, because when the clock hits 7:30, the Center Ice Package will have its cherry popped.

Eagles/Packers - Monday night.
NHL opening night - Wednesday night.
Penguins/Flyers - Thursday night.
Penguins/Red Wings - Saturday night.
Eagles/Cowboys - Sunday.

Are you for real, schedule makers? Thank you.
---------------------
Now, for my usual material...

I joined a new gym recently. I'm new to the area, so I didn't know what I was going to walk into. However, I gained a sense of the crowd after a few sessions. Nothing too abnormal, but hey, it's not what I left. Everything was fantastic, until today. Sunday, late AM. Kind of crowded, but not overly congested. I am working out, and then I hear a grunt. A scream. A workout grunt/scream. Of course you want to glance. If not to see how much they are lifting, but to see how gay the guy looks grunting in front of 40+ people. Notice how I said, 'guy.' Yeah, I stand corrected, it was a female. She was leg curling an obscene about of weight - I don't think I have lifted as much weight in my lifetime combined. She had a 2002 Barry Bonds in one calf. So I walked away. Threw up. Then resumed my workout.

---====---A Change is Coming---====---

2006-09-28T20:57:00.000-04:00

Oh yes, as I settle into my new surrounding and time opens up its doors to me, I will begin again.

New format.
New style.
Same blogger.

Dig it, but BIGGER...and fuck it up while you're at it

2006-07-13T20:55:00.000-04:00

I love how the single most expense American highway project in HISTORY is crippled, and my traffic is no where to be found. I have been travelling to work in this 'mess' for 2 days now, and I have been yet to be stuck in 'traffic.' The reason the Big Dig was created was to have a direct route to the airport and lessen the traffic on the highways, and the thing is shut down and actually aids the flowing of more cars. Fucking amazing.

Bobbler Blibber Babble

2006-07-10T20:33:00.000-04:00

-For the first time, I saw two young twins wearing the same outfit. I was very tempted to tap the mother on the shoulder and where her matching outfit was. I pussied out.

-Thesaurus.com has now added 'slang' to their vocab. So, if I were to say, "Wow, that is a great big set of titties on her," I can now say, "Wow, that is a big league set of titties on her."

-I hate soccer. And not because the World Cup was just played and it was viewed by everyone. I hate it because I played it when I was younger, and I quit playing after I realized how boring it was. That's it. I don't care if they are skilled players. I don't care if they are conditioned athletes. I don't like the sport. Deal with it. I did watch some of the World Cup because I admired the actors, errrrr, soccer players. Here are some thoughts and questions-

--How many orange wedges were consumed?
--How many goals were scored in the month long contest? I would like to know,
because with that many games, it had to be what, like, 4?
--They gave away a golden ball award. Why can't they have a golden actor award as well?
--Who has the contract for supplying the stretchers for the world cup? I would like to know
because they are now on the Fortune 500.

Marbles. All of them.

2006-06-18T20:16:00.000-04:00

Oh yes, the hockey fanatic in me has crept out and will be alive for one more game in the 2006 NHL campaign. This is the last possible game of the season, and it will be electric. First of all, the entire playoffs have been a blast. OLN, ESPN, NBC... ratings... I don't care. If you like hockey, you watch it. If you don't, you don't watch it. Ok, I don't care about ratings. The game isn't going anywhere. The league won't fold. It'll be on TV. I don't care, along with other hockey fans, if a repeat of CSI on Spike TV beats out a cup playoff game.

Now that game 7 has arrived, the Oilers should be favored to win. They are not on home ice, but they won the last time they played in Carolina. They won the last time they faced the Hurricanes. They have momentum. They have a hot goaltender. The have a hot defense. I am biased, and will pick the Oilers, to win in OT, 3-2. If the oilers are to win, Samsonov has to do something. Something.

So, Edmonton is a hockey town. That is why I like them so much. They hit, they skate, their fans know the game. What is even better is the crowd before the game starts.

Enjoy the video, and if your interest dares to take you close to the 2:30 sec mark, enjoy it even more. Don Cherry...well, he always has an interesting fashion sense, but this one tops them all.

Random Blabber

2006-06-07T19:39:00.000-04:00

I love this... I love it so much I will share. It is beautiful. Enjoy.

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So, I was watching one of the worst shows of all time in the game show genre this evening, "Shop 'til You Drop." Seriously, this makes "Supermarket Sweep" look like Einstein's creation. Anyways, as I watched the final 2 rounds, I laughed so hard, I almost made a B-line for the bathroom. First of all, nothing agianst fat people, but this one woman weighed in around 400lbs. That's fat. Her ass made Texas look like a worker ant. So, as I recovered from that, they announced the 'Grand Prize' if you totalled $2500 worth of merchandise. Now, maybe this was taped last year, and I hope it was, and I am extremely glad they did not win. The grand prize was a trip to the 'city' known as New Orleans.

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Jason Grimsley is a god. He rats out ball players and he stole Albert Belle's bat from a locked umpire room after he was caught using a corked bat. How did he steal it if the room was locked? The dude climbed through vents and lowered himself in and stole it. Stud. And the quote he had following his capture was gold.

Reporter: Why didn't you replace Albert's bat with another bat after you stole it from the umpire room.

Jason: Because all of Albert's bats are corked.

Stud.

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Kiefer is the man.

Guy: Hey Kiefer, you're a pirate man.
Kiefer: That would explain everything. [watch Kiefer tackle x-mas tree.]

People I'd Like to Meet #1

2006-06-06T17:16:00.000-04:00

Here's to you, Mr. "knobs for parking meters are useless,"

The guy who made the turn knob on parking meters obsolete. This person is a genius. I mean, you put a quarter in, and it should be in. You shouldn't have to crank it to watch the little red arrow point to 15min. I can picture it now... This guy is at home, sitting on his futon and watching the Arizon Cardinals. All of a sudden, he pops up and invents the most innovative thing to ever come to parking meters... Now he is rich, and I am writing about him.

Baggin' It

2006-05-25T21:03:00.000-04:00

Walgreens. One of my least favorite drug stores, mainly becaus ethe one I often visit is packed due to its downtown Boston location. However, when I walked in this afternoon, it was empty, and I just knew something would be odd during my trip.

I walked in hoping to get a Powerbar or 2, so I can enjoy an afternoon snack before my workout. There I go, picking up 2 powerbars. 2. Two. Single packs, not a box, just 2, $1.19 powerbars. Yes, you guessed it, something weird will happen.

I proceed to the checkout where the lady in front of me refuses to get out of the way before she can close her change purse and throw it in her regular purse. After I try to place the powerbars (2 of them) around her fat and sweaty body, she moves, and Darnell helps ring me up. The damage? Something like $2.50, because I only bought 2 powerbars. I make the transaction, get the change, receipt, and my 2 powerbars. Double bagged.

And if you wondered, the powerbars did not rip through the bag. They made it back to the office alive.

Fucking Darnell.

A Little Bit of This, Some of That. What About? And This?

2006-05-23T21:24:00.000-04:00

I am currently reading The Paradox of Choice : Why More Is Less by Barry Schwartz. Now, when I first was recommended this book, ironically, I thought about picking up this book. Ironic? Because Schwartz's book is all about choice. Why we choose, when we choose and why we choose. So, as I during my studying of the first chapter (When we Choose) I constantly think of choice in my everyday life. Everything is a choice, everything.

Do you know how much time I would save if there were only 3 different cereals in the aisle? Seriously. I spend about 10 minutes and 80% of the time I buy the same thing I did last time. I could've been running halfway to Alaska with the time I could have saved by limiting my options.

Think about all the choices you make in the first 10 minutes of waking up that is much of a ritual you don't even know it - brushing your teeth, putting on deodorant, putting on socks, etc... Choice is everywhere.

But, my point in this post is choice and how that relates to time itself. If there was only one toothpaste, only one type of plastic baggies, only one type of yogurt, do you realize how much free time we (well, most of us) would have? Maybe too much choice is good. Maybe the extra time would drive us nuts. But should I have to chose between 275 different boxes of cereal?

It's fascinating how we live with certain choices. Some are 100% wrong and we're fine with it (buying a new type of salad dressing to try). Some are 5% wrong and we live in frustration for a long period of time (buying a car in a hurry). Just think about it next time. When you're in the supermarket looking for garbage bags, eye the aisle. When looking for soap scum removal, just be amazed with how many bottles you'll find. When buying a ball point pen, just look at the options.

I went to a hardware store earlier today and spent 8 minutes deciding on what type of stapler gun to buy. A stapler gun. There were over 8 choices. 8 choices of stapler guns. There were 3 companies who made staples for the stapler guns. This is insane. I spent 10 minutes of my life deciding to buy a Stanley stapler gun because of the color, grip, and brand name over the other options. It's a fucking stapler gun.

And, today...

2006-05-22T09:18:00.000-04:00

- Today's top news story is about a horses fractured ankle. Seriously. I know that it was a somewhat decent story in the sports world, but when a horses broken (or shattered, for that matter) ankle makes CNN.com for the morning check-in, we have issues as a society.

- I need to stop consuming cereal in mass quantities for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This must come to an end. Now.

- I mentioned it before, but expect a post on the evoltion of Olives. I don't know why, but this topic intrigues me. Why are green olives never found sliced at the salad bar? Why?

Where?

2006-05-18T17:44:00.000-04:00

Just think of it like I have been on vacation. For a very... long... time.

Brent Musburger

2006-03-29T15:25:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, so, not sure why I started this entry with, "oh yes." Anyway, I was lying in bed the other day and heard the term, "March Madness," about 100 times in 3 seconds. So, today I decided to find out how it originated:

LINK - wikipedia

History of the Term
H. V. Porter, an official with the Illinois High School Association (and later a member of the Basketball Hall of Fame) was the first person to use March Madness to commemorate a basketball tournament. A gifted writer, Porter published an essay named March Madness in 1939 and in 1942 used the phrase in a poem, Basketball Ides of March. Through the years the use of March Madness picked up steam, especially in Illinois and other parts of the Midwest. During this period the term was used almost exclusively in reference to state high school tournaments. In 1977, the IHSA published a book about its tournament titled March Madness.

Fans began connecting the term to the NCAA tournament in the early 1980s. Evidence suggests that CBS sportscaster Brent Musburger, who had worked for many years in Chicago prior to joining CBS, popularized the term during the annual tournament broadcasts.

Only in the 1990s did either the IHSA or NCAA think about trademarking the term, and by that time a small television production company named Intersport, Inc., had beaten them both to the punch. IHSA eventually bought the trademark rights from Intersport and then went after big game, suing GTE Vantage, Inc., an NCAA licensee that used the name March Madness for a computer game based on the college tournament. In an historic ruling, Illinois High School Association v. GTE Vantage, Inc. (1996), the United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit created the concept of a "dual-use trademark", granting both the IHSA and NCAA the right to trademark the term for their own purposes.

Following the ruling, the NCAA and IHSA joined forces and created the March Madness Athletic Association to coordinate the licensing of the trademark and investigate possible trademark infringement. One such case involved a company that had obtained the Internet domain name marchmadness.com and was using it to post information about the NCAA tournament. After protracted litigation, the United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit held in March Madness Athletic Association v. Netfire, Inc. (2003) that March Madness was not a generic term and ordered Netfire to relinquish the domain name.

Again, it's those damn PIRATES!

2006-03-20T08:59:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/03/19/pirate.radio.ap/index.html

I don't know what is more disturbing - the fact that this article was filed under "Technology" on CNN, or that the radio station is called, "Da Streetz."

If I were a Pirate (and honestly, becoming a modern day Pirate is slowly becoming a dream of mine), I would name my radio station something to do with water, not concrete. You patrol the waves, and broadcast on (radio)waves. You see the correlation? Can't you think of something clever to call your radio station other than "Da Streetz?"

Secondly, what the hell is this being filed under Technology for? This is pure entertainment.

Lastly, they are no longer in Somalia. These signals were being picked up in Miami. We got some Pirates in the Gulf, baby. U-S-A!

I say, I say - woooo baby!

2006-03-19T17:12:00.000-05:00

I was carded the other day. For a lottery ticket. Seriously. And I won.

For the first time in weeks, pirates have not come up in any conversation of mine - until now.

If Chuck Norris was a pirate, they'd save a lot ofspace on the ships, because Chuck would need no cannonball launcher - he'd roundhouse kick the ball towards the enemy.

2006-03-11T14:54:00.000-05:00

Mid-air blog entry – (no spelling corrections, and since I am hiding this from the lady next to me, the screen is at 25% view. I told the lady I was a writer for a new sitcom that we are filming a pilot for. Seriosuly)

I always wanted to blog about a brainstorming session., No explain, just brainstorming. Kind of like a word association game, but in a brainstorming manner. So, here we go.

Ears Popping. Uncomfortable. Chewing gum. Chicklets. Gels gum. Gatorade gum. Quench thirst gum. Gimmicks. Big league chew. Cavities. Fillings. Too many. Exit. Airplane exits. Sleep. Too omany people sleeping. Old people. No kids or babies. Jones. Proper. Money. Bills. Credit cards. Debt. Debit card fees. Amazing – from fifty cents to as much as two dollars and fifty cents. Bank of America. Bank of gregg. Bankrupt. Lottery. 3, 7 5, 27, 37, 9. Turbulance. Drink cart. Where. If Chuck Norris was on this flight, the plane would be flying chuck Norris. Fig Newtons. Almonds. Nuts. Wrapping paper. Wrapping paper? Chicago. 1. Free. Bars. Fun. Sears Tower. Sears department sotres. Malls. New Jersey. Boston. Red Sox. Navy Blue socks. With stripes. Elastic socks. White. Mr. Pip. Seinfeld. Best comedy ever. Best show ever. LD. Genius. Einstein. Genius. Different. 32,000 feet. 34,000 feet not happening. Jet streams. Bastards. 12:35 landing. By Syracuse now. Gerry. Albany? Woo-hoo. East Lansing Michiigan. Lake Michigan. Lake George. George Lopez. Ear lobes. Will smith. Wild wild west. Miami. Ricky Martin. Break.
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NY post. Gossip paper. No jumble. No fun. Not worth money. Money, power, respect. Lox. Fish. Salmon. Mercury. Venus. Jupiter. Zach Morreis. AC Slater. Saved by the Bell. The new class, boring. College years, awful. Movies, not good. AC Slater. Ali Landry. Ali Landry. Ali. Landry. Perfect. 10/10. Her, not me. Rest. Big Day ahead. Walking. River. Lake. Not a beach. Lakes. Run? Possibly. Iron. Not fun. Schedule is as follows: Friday – nothing. Saturday, booth review @ 4, then dinner @ 6. Nothing after. Sunday, busy until 6, then hockey game. Monday, nothing. Tuesday, fly back. I am going to guess at how many words I have, approx. I say, 312. Wow. I was off by 3. 315. That’s just as good as the showcase showdown and hitting within $50. sorry Bob. Barketr. Dogs. Cats. Stanley. Birthday. March 17. Old. Chill. Pain in the ass. The man. Stan. Juice cart is coming. Lemonade? Pink? No. Oj. Simpson. Too much evidence. Lawyers. Money. First class. Coach.

No Whammy, No Whammy, No Whammy...

2006-02-27T08:50:00.000-05:00

For whatever reason, as I went to wash my hands in the office bathroom, I found it necessary to smack the living daylight out the of the 'push' faucet. I hit the thing so damn hard that the cover popped off and a loud metal 'ding' echoed as it hit the sink, then the floor. I looked in the mirror trying to think why I smacked it so hard, but I had no answer. Anyway, it went unfixed for a few weeks and it appears someone had finally fixed it over the weekend.

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Who say football player smart not? Ok, I got it, he didn't hear him correctly.

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I am going to work at the Home Depot in 2009.

I will be an Olympian in 2010. Look for me in Vancouver. I hope to play on the mens Ice Hockey team.

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I was mystified with how dumb the workers are in the cafeteria upstairs. Normally, they leave three items out for your oatmeal - brown sugar, granola and raisins. Today, however, the raisins were replaced with bacon bits. The oatmeal was on the wrong side of the counter, and the cinnamon was in the nutmeg container. Morons.

Remembering the Past (or 8 hours ago)

2006-02-19T15:22:00.000-05:00

I will admit it, I had a weird thing happen to me last night. I was out cold last night, since I have been trying to catch as much Olypmic hockey as possible, and I must have woken up to ESPNews late last night. Anyway, I could've sworn that I heard a report that Pedro Martinez was really 51 years old. I swear I heard that. I woke up and waited for the tickers to get to "MLB" and even did a huge search on Google to find this out. Apparently, I was wrong.

I was watching some of Back to the Future and realized that "The Fox-meister" has been in some clutch movies - none more clutch than Teen Wolf. But honestly, he has been in all 3 BTF's, Doc Hollywood and The Secret of my Succe$s. John Cusack is the same type of actor, and he has been in classics such as, Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer and Say Anything. 10 years from now, who will be the Cusack or Fox of our generation?

I did a random search on another movie that Cusack was in during the 80's, but not as a starring role, Stand by Me. I googled, Lardass. I had to see what popped up first and of course, "The story of “Complete and Total Barf-A-Rama” came up...

Here are some other searches and results:

"Boof" (from Teen Wolf): A few links down, there is a hardcore band named Boof. Also, boof.com is home of the California Whitewater Community.

"Lincoln Hawk" (from Over the Top): Lincoln Hawk is part of the urban dictionary. I have never heard someone say, "I want to pull a Lincoln Hawk," but I guess some people do.

Well, my next search was for Mickey's charecter on "Pee-wee's Big Adventure," but I found out that "Simone" or, Diane L. Salinger has a more interesting backround. She was castted in "Curb your Enthusiasm" in an episode. She was Deborah's Mother in "The Benadryl Brownies" episode. Amazing.

I could go on and on, but I must stop for now...

Would you like a pipe for that crack?

2006-02-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

I went to the ass crack show on Monday and caught a college hockey game. On my Monday trip to the TD Banknorth America Saskatchewan Center of United Arena, I thought I was going to see the BU/BC finale for the Beanpot Championship. However, sitting in front of us in the student section (I'm no longer a student, but it is still fun being in that atmosphere) was a chick who decided to 'free bush' it (not sure what to call it since guys can 'free ball' it... I don't want to be too racy here). Behind her were about 8 guys who all got a look at her ass... all the way down to the 'hole' area. She definitely did not wear any underwear. None. They weren't riding low. We checked. They weren't invisible, because that's no possible. She woke up that morning and said, "I am going to wear no underwear with my jeans to the beanpot championship." Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against it. I had something against the rest of her body, but not that crack show.

Anyway, the night got off to an awkward start when we caught the T with the Harvard band. Yes, the band for the Harvard Crimson takes the T to the game. Can't they make a rocket ship and just land inside the place or something? Anyway, I was next to a tuba and a cowbell. A cowbell. I have found it necessary to repeat myself numerous times already because of points I must get across to you. A fucking cowbell. THE top instrument at any college event, or luge race.

So, after the game (which was a thrilling 3-2 win by BU), we decided to head for a last drink or 2 at the bar in order for the crowd to thin out. While at the bar, D-chai noticed a life size statue of a black basketball player wearing a Bulls uniform and Air Jordans, with a bald head and a tongue sticking out while it looked like he was going up for a dunk. You may be thinking, "Dude, that's Jordan. Michael Jordan." But if you thought that, you were wrong because this Bulls player was wearing number 32, not 23. Apparently, 1 of 3 things happened. The Artisit that painted that mold is mildly retarded (at the very least), dyslexic, or they captured the only game that Jordan wore number 32 (and no one else but the artisit saw that game).

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On another note: Click Here and check out the "gender' line. Just awkward. Why does CBS Sportsline have to be different?

Censor this you @#$%!

2006-02-06T00:16:00.000-05:00

Censorship - I cannot get over this country and the way everything must be censored. I could go on for ever on this topic and how the world has changed drastically since the Super Bowl just 2 years ago, but I will make this quick.

I just read that ABC censored The Rolling Stones during their performance. I hope this was the case, and I am pretty sure it was:

The NFL told The Stones to change the lyrics on 2 of their songs, "Start Me Up" and "Rough Justice." The Stones said, 'F off', most likely, or said 'sure,' but knew they would not go through with what was being asked of them.

In 'Start Me Up,' the following was edited during the 5 second delay:

You, you, you make a grown man cry/You, you make a dead man come/You, you make a dead man come

In 'Rough Justice,' the following was edited during the 5 second delay:

One time you were my baby chicken/Now you've grown into a fox/Once upon a time I was your little rooster/But am I just one of your cocks

I could see the first lyrics causing a stir, but there is nothing wrong with the word cocks when you are referring to a little rooster. As a matter of fact, I will use that at work today.

Is Borat in Kazakhstan???

2006-02-06T00:02:00.000-05:00

Help find Borat here!

http://whereisborat.blogspot.com

Wow-O-Wee!

2006-02-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

Well, I had a few things to write about, but I forgot most of them. Anyway, here is what I remember -

- I want to meet the guy that started the "Flash the Lights"urban legend in which you flash your lights to a car so they turn their lights on, but in fact it is a gang and they'll turn around and kill you. I just want to meet whoever started that. To this day, I rarely flash my lights, unless it is an old lady.

- Speaking of urban legends - Super Bowl Urban Legends

- I did a search for "Nizzle" on Google and found a funny article

- "Wowowee" game show killed 70+ people. Is Borat responsible?

- Seattle 27 Pittsburgh 24

What a great night it was...

2006-01-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

Well, the night of 1/28/2006 was going to be good... I just knew it. How, you ask? Well, I thought at first, that Mentos (you know, the candy) was playing a joke on me. I could not find a box (no longer do I get duped into buying a roll of Mentos) and I was starting to sweat. After 2 minutes of nervous searching, I found a box. The boxed contained the almighty Cherry flavor. Wow. That is when I knew the night would be good. Cherry Mentos. A new flavor of Mentos. Do you understand the importance of such a thing? This could cure global warming...or something. Well, not really, but they are good.

The Cherry Mentos

Now, this guy is my idol - this guy... Are you kidding me? And to top off that website, the quote by Dave Grohl, "I ate about 600 of them in a day, and I had an extreme feeling of beauty. Those Mentos really work!"

But it only gets better! Check out the "Mentos Eating Strategy" on this page.

If you think I am crazy, check out JoshuaWise (the background music is Steve Balmer, the CEO of MSFT, by the way...seriously).
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Here is Steve Balmer, First Video and the Second Video. Let me ask you this - Do you think he sweats at all?

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I checked out some stats on my blog and saw some searches on how people linked into it. Well, someone searched, "earl boynkins lifting," and I was the third link. There were only 4 links, and I was 2 of those 4. Who the hell is searching for "earl boynkins lifting"???! I mean, I don't even know how to explain that.

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I need a Scotch (tape dispenser)

2006-01-27T09:30:00.000-05:00

Seriously, what is it about Friday's that always has the office in an uproar? Could it be the fact that there are only a few more hours left in the work week? Probably.

That got me thinking - I am going to make Tuesday the new Friday. I have no clue how, but I will try. This may take months, years, possibly eons, but I will try.
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I was about to confront a total c0ckhead on the T this morning. It should go on my T blog, but that is dying fast. I just don't get people that HAVE to force themselves to the front of the T while it is still moving. YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GET OFF THE T. DO NOT WORRY.

Those people probably shouldn't rot in hell, but they should all at least be shot in the kneecap a few times.
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Just when you thought it was safe to back in the water...

2006-01-25T08:43:00.000-05:00

I swear, I laugh every time I hear a story with Pirates in them. Ok, maybe The Goonies didn't make me laugh out loud, but those pirates were dead. Why? Because it was the 1980's.

These Pirates are alive and well.

It is 2006 and I thought the Pirate story would die down in '05. I was wrong. they're back, and better than ever. This story has a picture of their 'mother' ship which is insane. It may put Paul Allen's yacht (good luck in Detroit next Sunday) to shame.

It is 2006. Pirates. I am writing about Pirates. I may have to get a book and just read upon the mystique of these men. Amazing. Pirates.

Pirates. Even Jerry doesn't want to be a Pirate.

Simply the Best

2006-01-24T23:27:00.000-05:00

"There is no way of knowing how great he would have been. We only have the knowledge of how great he was." - Dave Hodge, TSN

I refrain from most sports talk on this site, but the re-retirement of Mario Lemieux is something that should not go unnoticed. He was simply the best. He may not hold all the records, he may not have all the awards, but he was the first of his kind. When Mario came into the league, and you went after him during a one-on-one, not only would he school you, but he would bring your goalie back to grade school then beat the crap out of you on the next shift. He wouldn't have his body guard do it. HE would do it. I will miss him. I will miss his style of play, what he meant to the city and most of all, his determination to make this team better for the fans.

My top Mario moments:
1. I had tix to see him play the Devils on Oct 28, 1995. He was playing the Islanders on the 26 and had 497 goals. I was going to see him get 500. Back in the day, SportsChannel, had the NY Metro games and I had to listen to it on my walkman. Looking back, I feel like I was in the 50's back then. Anyways, Mario had scored 498...then he scored 499... then, in the third, the bastard scored 500. I missed it. Low and behold, he rang up three more, all going on my side of the ice that night against the Devils. For a record 3 straight games with a hat trick, he had to take on the Lightening, and well, he didn't do it. He only 6 assists.

2. Against the Devils again, on Dec 31, 1988. In one game, he scored an even strength goal. A shorthanded goal. A power play goal. A penalty shot goal. An empty net goal. In one game. Read that over and let it sink in....and then read it again.

3. April 23, 1997. Mario's last game at home. Playoffs vs the Flyers. Time running out, Penguins will win the game, but will be down 3 games to 1 going back to Philly. But the last few minutes were nothing short of something magical. Chants of "Mario! Mario!" echoed the arena, and then the puck found him. Flyers players, Penguins players, 18,000 fans had their hearts stop, while Mario took the puck from left to right and went in on Snow. The earth may have stopped rotating just to take a look. Nothing but net. (I hate Philly, but they even game him the number one star the following game when the Pens got ousted. Respect).

4. March 2, 1993. He had a radiation treatment for Hodgkin's disease that day. And oh yeah, he also took the bus over to Philly and played in a game later that day.

5. Everything else.

He led the Pens to 17 straight wins (of course I was in NJ to see that streak STOP when Mullen just missed a redirect to win it in OT, but I'll settle for a tie and an 18 game unbeaten streak to end the year), 2 cups, and much, much more.

It was a pleasure (except for not seeing 500 vs the Devils).

Let 'er rrrrrrrrip

2006-01-17T18:29:00.000-05:00

Today at work, a fellow co-worker decided to bring in a fart machine. The guy is 35 and he brought in a fart machine. The guy is 35 and OWNS a fart machine. The thing is high tech. It even has a 'bass booster." Anyway, I decided that the best time for him to use it was in a meeting when I knew all men would be there. So, low and behold I see him 'blow his nose' and place the machine directly behind someone. My eyes fill up with tears. So do his. Then he hits key #1 and a guy says, "dude, did you just fart?!" It worked. It was realistic and funny. It has been going on for 5 straight hours and I cannot stop laughing about it. Wow, a fart machine. How juvenile.

You're a Champ, Sport

2006-01-16T17:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, first things first. The NFL needs to do something about how they make calls. Time after time they made the wrong call this weekend. True, they made the correct calls according to the rules, but the rules made them call the play incorrectly. I am not a Pats fan, but they got screwed, twice. Once on a pass interference, which I can see both ways (incidental contact, but he did cut off the receivers path) and a second, the fumble out of the end zone. Seriously, that was a touchback. Thumbs up (or a Borat, "Wowie!") to Ben Watson for tracking down Champion Champ Baily, but a thumbs down (or a Borat, "Es not nice) to Champ for not hustling. How many peoples minds went right to Don Bebe and Leon Lett at that moment?

According to the rules, it was inconclusive and was out at the one yard line, as called on the field. BUT playoff games should not be decided by inconclusive calls. First, how about a ref that can RUN down the field? Ben Watson, a 230lb tight end got there quicker than Mr. Ref. Second, how about a damn camera somewhere? What about a stupid GPS chip in the football (plus, that would be cool for the fans who can see how far the ball was thrown each game). Do SOMETHING so that doesn't happen again, please.

Troy Polamalu. What a catch he made. Oh wait, it wasn't a catch because he didn't make a football move. He caught the ball, 2 feet on the ground, rolled over, had his arm make significant contact with the ground (while the ball stayed put, firmly), bounced up, kneed it out of his hands, and picked it right up. But since he didn;t make a football move, it was an incomplete pass. I wish I can use that excuse.

"You see boss, I walked into my office, got the paper work, walked into the meeting with the work and my notebook, gave my presentation, but since I didn't sit in my office chair before coming in because I was in a rush, it should not count against me that we did not get approved for the project."

Anyway, long story short, football season with no Pats games in Boston, sucks. It does. I wish they won, only to lose somewhere else down the line. It's good to see a new champion, but maybe that is jealousy talking. Whenever the Eagles/Penguins win (which could be never, seriously), I will expect nothing less than a championship the next season.

Some Use Candy, Some Use Force. He. He uses The Foosball.

2006-01-12T23:26:00.000-05:00

You always remember "that guy." No, not that asshole in the bar, but that creepy guy in the bar. The one that always makes you say, "he is a child molester." You know, that guy.

Anyway, a while back ago I was at this bar having brunch and noticed a fool teaching these young (young, meaning under 20) kids foosball. It was a class session. He had a notebook. He had a fountain pen (well, I'm not quite sure, but it makes the story better), and he was there every week teaching young kids. I thought it was odd. Like the number 1. That shit is so prime and odd, as was the guy.

So, somehow I got wind of an email Alex had sent out that described the same guy that he noticed. We put 2 and 2 together and realized it was the same guy and thought it was so obscure that he was teaching kids how to play foosball in a bar environment. If we happened to be at a rec center, I'm sure I would've been cool with it, but at a bar?

Last night, we head down to said bar, and chill. Then, out of the blue we start ramblin' on about this wack-job guy. And yes, we were sort of loud, but not obnoxious loud. As we start ripping on this guy and our experiences of watching him lure his prey, Alex says, nonchalantly I may add, "Hey isn't that him over there?" At the same time, James and I look back, and indeed, it is. He has two prey. It was like watching a cheetah go after its prey. I was mesmerized. We start laughing and then notice he could've easily have been listening to us rip on a professor at a well known college that helps kids play foosball in the bar setting.

I needed more info. I couldn't let this go. So, I ask our waitress what he deal was. He creeps everyone out and he hosted the "worlds only" foosball tourny. First of all, that is BS, there is no way he hosted the worlds ONLY tourney. Also, he owns all of the tables at the bar. It's like it is too creepy for him to ask underage men to his apartment to play foosball, so he makes a deal with bars to have them hold his foosball tables... Odd.

As we get more and more into ripping on this guy, she said the staff compares him to Michael Jackson. Correct. I agree. However, he does not have the plastic surgery at MJ did. But that got me thinking. Comparing one to MJ is awful. I mean, if you compare someone to Kobe Bryant, a rapist (although acquitted), but he is a great basketball player. Bill Gates? A geek, but rich. MJ? There is nothing positive about it. Rich? No, he spent it all on his legal team to defend him against accusation after accusation. If you compare someone to MJ, there is nothing more insulting. So, we have an MJ at the bar playing foosball.

On my last study of the night, he was in a heated game with a guy (surprised?). As he scored to go up in the game, he took the goal counter and whipped it from right to left and walked away. That is excessive celebration. Excessive, bitch. If he threw the foosball at the kid, that would've been better, but he cannot injure his prey. I thought that his celebration got out of control, but that could've been the alcohol speaking on his behalf.

Oh yeah, one more piece. He is a crack dealer. Alex, while on his way out of the bathroom, overheard him a while back offering these youngsters a place to by crack. Not pot, crack. And he showed them how to use a butane lighter... Crack guys, crack.

I will study more next week, and make sure we get the same waitress, because this guy knows we are watching, and we may take a stab at convincing the waitress we are cops and are investigating this guy. That would make this story even better. Why? Because there is a good chance we'll be the ones getting arrested after we tell her we are cops.

Here and There and Everywhere, but Just Not Where?

2006-01-11T13:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, so, what is the most popular sports story after someone gets elected to the hall of fame? Where they were when they got the call. For one, I want someone to say they were, "Sleeping, since I am a millionaire and don't need to worry about anything. Ever. Again." But no, it is always on some stupid golf course.

When Bruce Sutter got his call, I was in a meeting. And I will ALWAYS remember that.

---------------------

I wonder where Gregg Jefferies was when he heard his missed the hall of fame because he only got 2 votes. I hope he was working.

---------------------
I was about to buy a Wonka Bar at the newsstand today and open it up SLOWLY by each corner and pretend to be looking for a golden ticket, while the clerk laughed at me. I contemplated this, but realized the chances of me running into a co-worker are high, and speaking of high, that is what the co-worker would spread around the office.

---------------------
I wonder how much it costs to legally change your name.

---------------------

Free Time

2006-01-10T08:17:00.000-05:00

I have a meeting on the 18th that is from 8am until dinner. Yes, dinner. That is what the invite said, "8am till dinner."

That is insane. And truthfully, I believe it will last through and past dinner. So that isn't even a true and accurate representation of the length of the meeting. They should have just scheduled the whole day.

David Lee ROTHorrible

2006-01-09T08:22:00.000-05:00

The David Lee Roth morning show is about as bad as Carson Palmer's evening yesterday. He is horrible. He is very, very bad. He cannot last much longer. And all of this when today is Howard Stern's first satellite appearance.

Cheney in the hospital, again. Conspiracy theory? Could it be? Rumors has it (not like I am mentioning new news, but now I see it could be a possibility) that Cheney will step down and Bush will appoint whomever he thinks can take out The Hillary in '08.

Pats/Colts vs Bears/Seahawks in the superbowl. Sorry Carson, good thing you got your payday just a week or 2 ago. And that is precisely the reason TO wanted his money ASAP.

The weatherman used the word, "snizzle" last night, and apparently it really is a word.

Running With the Devil

2006-01-08T14:01:00.000-05:00

Dream a little dream, and that I did. The King has always terrified me since it made its first appearance last year, and last night, along with the NJ Devils mascot, they got the better of me.

During my few hours of sleep last night, the Devil had some fun terrorizing me through an industrial park. Left, right, back or straight, I could not find my way out. The devil, pitchfork and all, never managed to get a hold of me, maybe due to my imaginary blazing speed. But then, he hopped on his 4-wheeler, much like the one pictured above, with The King's head leading the way. I didn't know what to do, so I climed a sand dune. Yes, a sand dune in an industrial park. (It's a dream, deal with it).

The Devil, just drove back and fourth, revving the engine, and waiting for me to come down. I didn't. I just stayed on top waiting for my perfect moment, and then that is when the unexpected and most horrible part occured - I woke up.

I know I had a plan to take that Devil down. I know I did. But I will never get the chance to prove it. I hate waking up from a dream right when it gets good. That Devil didn't know what he had coming...

(on a side note, both The King and The Devil have the same exact smile/smerk.)

Email me...

2006-01-06T09:31:00.000-05:00

I always get a good laugh at when peopel still use their immature email addresses from the middle to late 90's. Sure, I may have had one or 2 of them, but I sure as hell don't use them now. And when I created them, I probably created them as a joke in the first place. However, every now and then I see a resume floating by, or someone with a contact email trying to pass IBlowWell@Aol.com as a valid email address.

No, that is not acceptable. Either is putting your name followed by the numbers 6 and 9. I have seen, numerous times, a name on a resume from a high school grad with the email, MikeJohnston6969@aol.com. And the funny thing about Mike and his email is this - there is another Mike Johnston (by the way, this is a ficticious name) who beat him to the punch which is why this Mike had to use 6969 instead of just 69.

I would like to email some of these obscure names and just see if they check their email. by the way, you can email me at Keep_it_real_69@holdme.com

"Breaking News"

2006-01-05T09:09:00.000-05:00

There was an article on CNN and many other news organizations about the term, "Breaking News," and how misleading and annoying it was. True. I have 7 CNN "breaking news" emails in my inbox this morning. 5 of them are in regards to the health of Sharon and the other 2 are about Iraw bombings.

I would expect a "breaking news" email if there were NO bombings in Iraq for a change. Also, I don't need to know the health of Sharon every 7 minutes - it is just not necessary. But please, keep these news 'updates' away from my inbox and hit it with true breaking news. Please.

Larry David on 'Brokeback Mountain'

2006-01-03T23:21:00.000-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/01/opinion/01david.html?oref=login

courtesy of The New York Times - 1/1/2006

Cowboys Are My Weakness
By LARRY DAVID
Published: January 1, 2006

SOMEBODY had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain," nor do I have any intention of seeing it. In fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my eyes and cover my ears.

And I love gay people. Hey, I've got gay acquaintances. Good acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone number. I'm for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I just don't want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That's all.

Is that so terrible? Does that mean I'm homophobic? And if I am, well, then that's too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but I'm still not going to that movie.

To my surprise, I have some straight friends who've not only seen the movie but liked it. "One of the best love stories ever," one gushed. Another went on, "Oh, my God, you completely forget that it's two men. You in particular will love it."

"Why me?"

"You just will, trust me."

But I don't trust him. If two cowboys, male icons who are 100 percent all-man, can succumb, what chance to do I have, half- to a quarter of a man, depending on whom I'm with at the time? I'm a very susceptible person, easily influenced, a natural-born follower with no sales-resistance. When I walk into a store, clerks wrestle one another trying to get to me first. My wife won't let me watch infomercials because of all the junk I've ordered that's now piled up in the garage. My medicine cabinet is filled with vitamins and bald cures.

So who's to say I won't become enamored with the whole gay business? Let's face it, there is some appeal there. I know I've always gotten along great with men. I never once paced in my room rehearsing what to say before asking a guy if he wanted to go to the movies. And I generally don't pay for men, which of course is their most appealing attribute.

And gay guys always seem like they're having a great time. At the Christmas party I went to, they were the only ones who sang. Boy that looked like fun. I would love to sing, but this weighty, self-conscious heterosexuality I'm saddled with won't permit it.

I just know if I saw that movie, the voice inside my head that delights in torturing me would have a field day. "You like those cowboys, don't you? They're kind of cute. Go ahead, admit it, they're cute. You can't fool me, gay man. Go ahead, stop fighting it. You're gay! You're gay!"
Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Larry David appears in the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

Meet my Dad

2006-01-03T08:59:00.000-05:00

First things first - http://gorillamask.net/caulk.shtml

Another humorous SNL skit.

-----------------------------------------------------------

So, this new roommate of mine looks exactly like my father, which I stated earlier. It is scarey. It is abnormal. It is just plan wrong. Anyway, they guy is a complete tool (like my father, but my father was more of an asshole). So, this guy does have his own fashion style, however. He loves the sweater. If the sweater was a girl (or a guy, I'm not sure how he rolls yet), he'd marry it on the spot. Bri-man pointed out to me that he also sleeps in a sweater. How odd is that? I like jeans, however, I rarely sleep in jeans (when I am drunk and pass out, yet, otherwise no). So, this guy loves the sweater and I have never seen him in anything BUT a sweater. And they are rink-a-dink sweaters. I think I could personally knit a better one than the one he is wearing today (please note: I have not seen him today, but my money is on him wearing a sweater from the 1920's....in Somalia). I would expect him to wear your classic pair of Reebok shoes, but he pulled a fast one and has a pair of Puma's. His only up-to-date piece of clothing.

So, my Dad went to play hockey in a 'low-key area in the North End' last night. That is all he said about the location, and Bri-man seems to think that he wants to keep this a secret. Not sure why, but it seems like that. I don't think Bri-man will go to this rink and play hockey, nor do I think he will tell anyone, but this is Dad's secret from us. Anyway, wait until you hear the stories that he mentioned the other night:

1) He was fined $50 for honking his horn
My take: he wants us to think he is tough, for whatever reason, and has a problem with authority. Not sure why he would say this, but I have never heard anyone getting a $50 fine for honking their horn. Maybe if he were to run over the person he was honking the horn at he would get a fine, but not for honking a horn....unless you're tough

2) He was accused of throwing crates at kids at the hockey rink.
My take: Ok, Tie Domi, settle down. According to him, 'he didn't do it' and he then had to talk to the children's parents. But why even tell us this? I now think he is a semi-pedi... you know what I'm getting at ...a tough one, though.

3) He is 6'2", no today he is 6'3"....eh, why not 6'4".
My take: Dad changes his height more than the weather forecast in Boston. He literally changed his height by 2 inches from the day he moved in to yesterday. The guy is NOT 6'4", and why he would say that is mind-boggling. He is 6'2", max, BUT... a tough 6'2".

4) He personally saw a guy get his leg amputated after being struck by a Boston T.
My take: First of all, I don't buy this. Secondly, who in their right mind would watch this? Thirdly, who the heck would tell people about this, especially after lying about a $50 honking violation, growing 2 inches in a matter of days, and being accused of terrorizing little kids?

My father is odd, and I cannot wait until his next storytelling time. (Please note that I am not the one being told these horrific stories. Bri-man is forced to listen - he gets trapped - when he is making dinner or watching TV, and he then relays these to me).

Enjoy this round, but I have to go now because I think I am getting a ticket for parking to closely next to a cop car. Yeah, I'm tough.

7 Wonders of the Day

2006-01-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

1. Floating holidays - I like them, I get them, I hate them (only when we shoul dhave the day off, like the day after new year's with 98% of Americans).

2. Super Superstitions - I have a few, including not making new years resolutions.

3. The Price is Right. What a game show. This is a must watch when you are home on a weekday. And trust me, you won't find the show on TV, it will FIND YOU! Somehow, someway, Bob Barker will send a signal (digital) to your cable box and BAM! CBS in your living room.

4. This is the second day of 2006. Day 2.

5. I think I am addicted to having a "Pen of the Day." Sad.

6. The month of January should be "Fat Ass Month" due to the large quantity of overweight people who think they will lose weight this year. 1% will suceeed.

7. I will always have a bitter/angry side to my writing...always/

Heeeeeeee's Baaaaaaa-aaaaccck!

2005-12-29T17:23:00.000-05:00

Hell yeah! I am returning to stir some more nonsense into our minds - useless nonsense. I was gone for a while, but will be back due to some inspiration that hit me this past week. Oh the stories and thoughts I have runnin' in my mind right now... I could go on for days and days, but I will take it slowly.

Well, to start things off - please check out www.PaperTigerz.com and download a few songs, and if you like them, get the rest. Good, original, obscure lyrics. Great beats. Fun music.

Next, I am starting to put together www.BostonTRider.blogspot.com, and like this site, took some time off. However, check-ch-ch-check it out.

"The Chronic(what?)cles of Narnia!" http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0
I think you can also get a free copy off of iTunes.

And lastly, PenguinsPride.com will eventually be in business... It links to my penguins blogspot blog right now, and when the Penguins decide to win a game in the near future, maybe I can write some things about them. But, right now, I can't do such a thing.
-----------------------------------------

On to more interesting things:

The past few months have been very interesting, but nothing compares to my father, I mean roommate, moving in. You see, Dad lives on the second floor and when I first met him, I literally froze, and had bad memories of the past. Slap a moustache on him and BAM! you got my father. The hair, the build, the glasses, everything! Well, except for the inordinate number of sweaters this guy wears (also, xB-man pointed out that when he sleeps, he also wears a sweater. I have never seen him in anything BUT a sweater). So, before I even met him, the guy was calling me G-man. It's like my dad phoned him and told him every possible way to piss the shit out of me. G-man? Don't call me that. I'd rather have clothes-pins stuck on my nipples the whole day rather than being called G-man. Fuck that.

Ok, so, to sum this up, my father, who I haven't seen in 15 years or so, lives with me and my mother probably hates me now.

Ahhh yes, it is good to be back.

Hit By a Pitch

2005-09-15T08:18:00.000-04:00

While watching some Red Sox highlights a couple days back, we heard that someone got hit in the chest with a pitch. Ok, interesting, how bad of a pitch, or even better, how bad of a batter can one be that you get hit in the chest with a pitch? Anyway, I was intrigued. As I thought it over and looked at Bri-Man, we both pondered about the pitch that the replay was about to show.

My thoughts were that the batter either decided to swing and miss, and while in the process, got hit by the pitch, or that the pitcher had one of the greatest pitches ever and while breaking over home plate, it made a turn to the left to hit the batter. Ever so curious, but the replay was about to solve my problems.

Foulke on the mound, Hinske up at bat.

The pitch... nothing special. It didn't hit his chest. My first words out of my mouth to Bri-Man were, "What?!? That didn't hit his chest, it looks like it took his nipple off!" No joke. I was dissapointed. I thought I was about to see the greatest pitch of my time. However, I get to see Hinske get his nipple nearly removed from his body.

Bri-Man to the rescue. After a long afternoon meeting, Bri-Man hits me up with an email entitled, "you called it, bro." Intrigued yet again, I open to find a quote he sent me.

"He said on the mound he didn't try to hit me. I just looked at him and said, 'Come on man.' It really hurt. He nearly took my nipple off." -- Blue Jays 1B Eric Hinske, whose right nipple was taped and iced after being plunked by Keith Foulke

And so it ends, my run in with Eric Hinske's nipple.

Sky High

2005-09-13T08:29:00.001-04:00

For once, I feel tall. The only problem is that I am in the wrong place to feel tall. I would love to feel tall when I am playing basketball, climbing a tree (or a rock, perhaps) and hell, even when I am mowing the lawn. However, there are bad times to feel tall, like now. I am 30,000+ feet in the air and I feel like I am the size of the plane, maybe bigger – not good, by any means. My ass is about to go numb since the cushioning on the seat has reached its limit of softness, and my ears have been popping for about 30 minutes straight now. But the good news – I feel tall.

Columbus, Ohio. Sounds boring, and it may well be, but I just realized that Ohio has 3 cities that can attract people – Cincy, Cleveland and Columbus. Pretty impressive when you think about it. Texas, California, Florida all do the same, but they are Texas, California and Florida. This is Ohio I am talking about. Ohio. Drew Carey may be the most famous person I have the ‘chance’ to run into if I am lucky. This is the state, or one of them, that cannot even vote correctly. However, I have heard good things about Ohio, especially Columbus.

I am in the back of the plane, only a few rows (3 to be precise) from the shitter. My counterpart is about 7 rows in front of me, however she is not sitting next to a good looking female. This may be the only full row of the plane, and I am in it, but I do dit next to something beautiful, which I will not complain abaout.

Only on an airplane can you read about useless shit. I know where I can order boots for my dog, if I ever get one I know how much an inflatable slide for my pool costs. I even know that they make ramps for your pet to get on and off the couch. On the other side, I now know that I want to go to Colorado to visit Mesa Verde National Park. And, if I ever go on a Delta flight that offers music, to bring my own headphones since they cost $2 to listen to Michael Mcdonald and Tom Jones during the flight.

Sky High

2005-09-13T08:29:00.000-04:00

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-09-06T07:57:00.000-04:00

1. Just today, I realized that I never heard the word, "latte" before Starbucks was around.

2. Traffic sucks, we all know that. But I really hate traffic when I get past the congestion point and there is nothing causing it.

3. Is it true that 50 Cent is really mad at "Diddy" because he thinks "Diddy" wants to sound like, "Fitty"? That is just amazing if you have time to think about that.

4. Less than 30 days until the puck drops for the first time in 2 years. 2 years.

5. What do we export to the middle east? Apples? Can we charge $10/apple so they lower the oil prices?

6. Football starts on Thursday? Wow. That was quick.

7. Hylko fantasy league now has only 2 originals that still work there...

Moved...

2005-08-30T07:35:00.000-04:00

So, I finally moved but I won't call it a move just yet. About 30sqft had been dedicated to boxes, containers, bags and other misc crap that is taking up space. My room is 'set up' but by 'set up' I mean there is a bed and a TV in place - you know, the essentials. My other room is set up as well, to an extent, with bags of trash waiting to be delivered to the curb come Thursday. Now, since I have been busier than George W Bush lately, I have no been able to move a thing... unpacking is not in my movements. Put stuff away? Where to start? More important, WHEN to start?

Anyway, I'll end that now. I will start off on how my former roommate left a ton of crap in the apartment. Here we go:

Food
TV stand
Lamps
Dishes
Pots/Pans
Bathroom accessories
Misc Clothes

And what does one do with them? Throws them out. Trashed, goodbye. So now, once I get back from Dallas and can rest for more than 4 hours a night, I will begin my quest to unpack my storage facility.
--------------------------
I was so tired last night, that my fantasy draft looks like a combination of mexican burritto and cole slaw after digested.

QB: Trent Green; Steve McNair (I needed McNair for Green's bye-week. Air McNair plays HOU)

RB: Dominick Davis (the guy is a stud and could put up a 800/700 yr); B. Westbrook (this guy is a pure STUD and could put up a 1000/1000 year, but people just look at his weak rushing stats); F Taylor (this guy is a DUD, but he is due... I hope); L. Johnson (Preist/Father Holmes will be hurt this year, and LJ is a monster. Plus, I wanted to fuck over the owner of Priest).

WR: R. Moss (he is the receiver who is usually good, but I took him over TO and I feel guilty); D Mason (96 catches last year and my #6 pick - quality pick); Antonio! (my boy from last year, had to take him even though he'll miss 1 regular season game); Plax (as an Eagles fan, this hurts, but Plax made Big Ben good, and I truely think Eli is better, or will be better, than Ben); Mike Williams (he had a one handed catch for USC 2 years ago, and just for that, I took him)

DEF: Eagles (Holla Holla! H to the olla! Keepin it real like Jeremiah Trotter!) ; Minny (they loaded up this year, and they play CHI on the Eagles bye week...Chicago.)

Kickers: Nugent (could be the next great kicker); Kaeding (if not, he will do).

Now, to calrify, we HAD to pick 2 QBs, 3 RBs, 5WRs 2 DEF 2 K and one MISC player that could be a QB, WR or RB. All FA moves cost money, so I needed to be smart. I wanted Carr to be my backup (vs Tenn on Greens bye week), but he was snatched up one pick before me. Oh well. McNair should last until Week 5, I hope. Nonetheless, no team stands out. I took a huge risk with F. Taylor, but hey, sometimes you need to make THAT pick...
we shall see.

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-08-29T13:39:00.000-04:00

1. When walking up or down stairs, nothing pissed me off more than a person walking up the left side (my right) of the stairs. It's like driving people - stay to the right. Ok, there are some rules for walking up/down stairs, and in certain instances you can walk up the left side (once again, my right), but not when I have established the right of way. This will be blogged later.

2. Isn't an apple just a big berry? Or is a berry a small apple?

3. Comcast DVR > TiVo

4. There is a guy at WORK that wears his collar up on his polo shirts... UP... At work... I'm going to start wearing a pant leg up, because I am cool like him...just like him.

5. September... in 3 days. Just making an observation.

6. If I hear the word, "move" once more this week, I will punch that person. Male or female. Tall or short. Even if it is overheard by me, I will walk to that person and punch them. Hard.

7. I have so much to do, makes me wonder why I am doing this.

I'm Back....

2005-08-29T07:31:00.000-04:00

Well, I have been gone for quite some time, but now that everything is starting to settle down, I will be able to be myself again. So many stories to tell, so little time. in the upcoming week (not weeks, but week), you will hear some rants on the following:

Rules of T etiquette
How far I can punt a child
Madden 2006 Instant Classics
Moving Troubles
My Former Roommate
and much, much more

That is all I will say for now. I have a lot to say, but work takes priority #1 and I have a FFL draft to prepare for tonight. Pick #7, who do I grab? I know, Kyle Orton. He's due for a great year.

Personal Tribute to TO

2005-08-10T17:03:00.000-04:00

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Reports from Company X say GP is leaving work because his pen ran out of ink and there are no blue refills for him to use. GP got wind of this news and refused a brand new ballpoint. Reports say that GP heard of this deal, got up from his seat and threw his remaining pens in the trash, but left the pencils unharmed. As a result, the janitors will be curious as to why there are many functioning pens being thrown away.

No word from the company about what is next, but rumor has it that he will report to work tomorrow after purchasing the necessary refills at CVS. CVS has declined to comment. The publicist for Mr. GP did not release a statement, but speculated that he may do so tonight. The whole world is in limbo awaiting for Mr. GP's decision tomorrow morning.

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-08-09T23:27:00.000-04:00

1. I have had a lot of "Sandra Bullock" moments lately. No, not that kind, but the ones where you are "surfin' the web" and you accidentally click on something that leads to something unexpected. I accidentally clicked on an icon not meant to be clicked, and it took me into system settings for the entire software platform/setup. I was hesitant to do anything, but I thought it was cool. Anyway, it has been happening at a rate of 1 occurrence/week.

2. I eat a lot of cereal, which most of you are aware of. Anyway, I have never won a contest by opening a box of cereal. Just once I would love to open it up and see a "Congrats! You won a family trip to DISNEY!" Whop-de-do.

3. I was walking down the toy aisle of CVS today (yes, sometimes I do this because they got cool little gadgets, like Silly Putty, that I may want every now and then) and saw they were selling a gameboy game. A gameboy game. At CVS. CVS.

4. This is the first time this millennium that Madden 200X has not been inserted into my XBOX the day of the purchase/release. Very weak on my behalf, but I don't have the time for childish games that let me control the Philadelphia Eagles franchise, players and games. I can't wait!

5. Top 5 shows on TV right now. 1) Big Brother 6 - just a great reality TV show that is so ghetto, but great. 2) Rescue Me - Dennis Leary is a genius. This show is fantastic. All roles are played extremely well and Leary's character is classic. A must watch if you have never seen. 3) Entourage - slipped to #3 because this season is draging on with not a lot of humor in the past few weeks. Season 1 was gold, and the beginning was fantastic. But it's slipping. 4) Laguna Beach/The Real World - awful MTV programming that I cannot miss. Laguna Beach has some of the most 'redonkulous' females I have ever seen (and they are only 18, maybe 19, some 17) years old. The Real World is a classic that has fallen off big time lately, but this season is picking up some of that slack. 5) Mind of Mencia/Cheap Seats - 2 darkhorse comedies that made it in here since I can now watch them thanks to TiVo. Hilarious shows.

6. Don't pay attention to the fact that I listed 7 shows instead of 5. It was my rule, so I could've said top 7 shows, but I went with 5. Shhhh... Stop that.

7. As catchy as the 'Empire Carpet' jingle can be, I will NEVER remember their phone number. Giant Glass is different, but Empire just got it all wrong. I know the melody, by the number can be whatever I want it to be at that time. Awful.

A Walk to Remember

2005-08-07T23:08:00.000-04:00

Well, this past Friday was a very interesting for one. It started with me traveling to my soon-to-be new home, and ending with a long walk to my current residence. After I somehow managed to win money while playing darts, I knew that would come back to haunt me. Never have I ever one money from darts, but hey, this has been a weird week. After paying a small amount for the bar tab in return for a "get home yourself" card, I stepped out of the bar and onto the street - the wrong way, however.

Walk, and walk I did. Right past where I needed to turn. Right past a drunk college kid who was yelling at his girlfriend on the phone. Right past a homeless dog (?). Right past another turn I could've (should've) made. Then I turned, the wrong way yet again. I did a 360, to an extent, more like a few turns, and ended up 20 ft passed my initial turn. But wait - a soda machine! Oh yes, wait. I have no money on me. None. Nothing. I used it all to cover my nominal bar tab. So, I kept on walking, the wrong way, until I asked an older man where to go.

The conversation was basically like this:

"How do I get to The Market (code name to hide my secret location)."
"Why the fuck are you walking this way, son? You got to go that way (pointing to the way I was coming from). You should take a cab."
"Yeah, that's a problem with no cash."
"I could give you a few bucks if you need it."
"Thanks, I appreciate it, but I'll pass."

And so I walked back the way I came from. I hit an ATM, got some money, which is useless in a soda machine since all I have now are 2 twenties. And so I get to where I needed to go. And I was there - well, I knew where I was. A 24 hour convenience store also added to my relief, as a pack of Starburst and a bottle of water made it into my system rapidly.

And so I walked further, this time towards my apartment (that was key). And I walked, and walked and walked. Miles later, I needed a restroom and contemplated pissing in the park, but we all know what could happen in the park after hours, so I held it in.

I walked down the streets and noticed a lot more homeless people live in my city that what I originally thought. Upsetting, disturbing, but what is also disturbing is that not 1 cab passed me in about a 2 mile stretch. More streetsweepers passed me than cabs. Odd.

And I walked even more. I finally had to "go" real bad and used a street bush as my bathroom. Lake Huron would've been impressed. I got to a stretch of land that was inclined, albeit very slight. I though I could do it, but the cramps started and I needed a rest. 2 minutes later, I walked.

The walking was almost done, and I knew it. I was close. So I ran. Yes, I ran. Not like Carl Lewis, but like that last guy in the Marathon. I finally made it to my doorstep and collapsed in my bed. It felt good.

Why did I walk home? Well, I was determined. I also knew how good that night of sleep would be if I did walk home, and I was right. It was good. I won't do it again, but it was good. It took me 2 hours. 2 hours of weird sights (like when a guy running at 4am said, "good morning" to me). Weird thoughts (I went to even bicycle on B**** street and checked to see if it was locked. I wanted a bike that night - preferably a Huffy, but a Diamond Back or a big wheel would've been fine). Weird actions (remember, I ran because I wanted to get home. I ran.). But it is all over now, and all that is left is this story.

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-08-05T08:35:00.000-04:00

1. In honor of myself enjoying (not overly enjoying, but enjoying nonetheless) a comedy that DEightK approved, I will list the top 6 quotes:

2. "No commericials, NO MERCY!"

3. "You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair"

4. "I killed a man with a trident."

5. "And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego"

6. "Where did you get that hand grenande, Brick?"

7. "I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said....... my tummy itches."

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-08-03T21:49:00.000-04:00

1. Cool Whip smells very good, but the taste is sub par.

2. I've been swamped with work and the hockey frenzy going on. Gonchar, money. Kovalev, don't get me started Black Eyed Peas.

3. How do seeing eye dogs know where to take the person they assist? I understand they can cross streets for their counterparts, and navigate around people, but if Mr. Blind Dude wants to go to a new spa that he has never been to, how does SeeSee the Dog know where to take him? This is driving me nuts. I had this conversation with D8Thousand and we are going to make a bet, which results in the loser being blindfolded for a predetermined amount of time. Stay tuned.

4. A few months ago I wrote about how everyone hated Jose Canseco because of his book and the steroid scandal. Now, how many people have done a 360 because someone he mentioned was busted? A ton...

5. I never knew how funny this episode of Seinfeld was - Jerry's girlfriend contracted gonorrhea from a tractor.

6. A guy I know that goes to the same gym as me used to be a bartender at a downtown bar. We were telling stories about football players and he mentioned that he saw Joe Montana smoke weed at an after hours party. I don't know why, but I believe him.

7. Back to this whole Pen versus Pencil debate. I am a bigger fan of the Pencil, especially since it can erase. The Pen smudges, but a Pencil can 'age' easily. As for lead, always go with the .5mm, and not the .7mm... in the land of pencils, thinner is better.

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-08-01T17:42:00.000-04:00

1. Today, I found out that the tallest man ever was 8'11". Thanks Snapple bottlecap.

2. I would like to open a Snapple (Raspberry, Peach or Lemon) and see them print this fact: "The first fact on the inside of a bottlecap was in 19XX by XXX." When will that day come?

3. It wasn't until today when I started to lose respect for the black olive. When you get one bad black olive in a salad, it ruins the whole salad.

4. I packed for 8 hours last night, woke up this morning, and realized I did as close to nothing as one can do in 8 hours. It's like a gnome unpacked my crap and set it back up for me. Did it?

5. The best topping for a bagel? Close call, but I'd go with tuna salad, and a good cream cheese spread a close second.

6. Within 12 hours, 2 references of the Rubik's cube was brought up... Odd. Brings me back to my HellCo days.

7. Top 2 Boston athletes I hate, currently - Curt Schilling (stuck up cwat that is living in his heroic performance of last year and currently sucks) and Tom Brady (football camp opens for Philly, today, and he beat us last year. Oh, and I need to wear his jersey once this year.) Top 2 Boston athletes I like, currently - Manny Ramirez (who knows what he is thinking, ever) and Rohan Davey (because when Brady gets hurt this year, he'll lead the Pats to more defeats than wins. Thank you.)

2005-07-30T07:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I must say, that the first few minutes my car dealerships waiting room has been uneventful. I thought it would be filled with old women and men, who look like they need a new Depends, parents that let their children roam free and then me. However, it really is just me at the moment, and it is giving me some writers block. Anyway, back to a work related story.

* My boss is great, he really is. A smart guy who won't take shit from anyone. He also seems to have 87 cups of coffee in him at all times. We were going over a project I need to build when he is on vacation, and while talking to Steve and myself....well, take a look.

"Yeah, so we need to show the breakdown of products by channel and rep so that, hey Steve, got any food? Not pretzels, but something with bread?"

The funny thing is not only was he 100% serious, but after Steve told him he had nothing, we just ended the conversation. It ended. So that???? Seriously, I feel like George Costanza when Steinbrenner gives him a job and he has no idea what that job is. Anyway, the guy is classic.

------------------------
Last night I was doing some laundry and I was horrified by some of the parenting. Whenever I become a father, which will not be soon (sorry ladies), I will not let my children play with beer bottles found randomly in the street. Nor will I let my wife get an ass J-Lo would be jealous of. Actually, I have no control over that, but seriously, this lady last night had J-Lo ducking for cover. I think she had to turn sideways to fit through the door.

------------------------
Tivo or no Tivo? That is the question surrounding my life right now. I would like to have some sort of DVR so I can watch the Pens games from the drop of the puck, when I get home, instead of missing the first few minutes or period. But, is it worth the $99 and then the monthly $13 fee? That is what I am pondering, especially after this 30K mile check my car is going through.

------------------------
This is my first Dunkin' Donuts coffee (hot, not iced, because I had a DD iced a while ago, and iced coffee is another story) in a long time. I've been a Starbucks man because of the additional caffeine I needed. Since I was in a rush today, I hit up the drive through and got myself a large. Not too bad, but I like the taste of the Bucks coffee better.

------------------------
2 new front tires and worn brake pads, plus a new wheel alignment? I don't think so. Sorry, I don't got a grand to drop at the moment. Oh wait, remember that Tivo question I was pondering? That is now a 'no' for the moment.

------------------------

Totally Keepin' it Pretend

2005-07-29T08:04:00.000-04:00

I have been so busy at work, and then so tired when I get home, that I have no had no time to think up of any entries. However, there was some funny dialog yesterday at work, when I found out that a coworker was given a cappuccino maker as a wedding gift from his best friend.

"A cappuccino maker? You know I don't drink caffeine!"
"How am I supposed to know that?"
"You're my best man, my best friend! Where did you get this so I can return it?"
"A flea market in NH."
"What?!? I can't even return it!?!?"

Trust me, I will have a lot this weekend, as I have to wait in a car dealers waiting room for over 2 hours while my car gets its 30K mile tune-up.

7 Wonders of the Day, again...

2005-07-26T20:28:00.000-04:00

1. PM edition

2. Was working hard this afternoon, very hard, then I heard my name and left for drinks. Got drunk with some co-workers instead of finishing my work. Proper.

3. Where has the tennis ball gone? They used to be so cool and someone always had one around, somewhere. Now, they're like Sammy Sosa - extinct.

4. D-rock and C-dub have an NFL penalty flag in their apartment, courtesy of NFL Direct. That is money. Maybe I will get a goal light for buying the NHL center ice package. Wait, I bought the NHL center ice package, I should get my own NHL franchise.

5. Not Keeping it Real = Keeping it Pretend. JC, that is money, as well.

6. 95 degrees plus 80% humidity or 20 degrees and snow with a 0 degree windchill? That snow could've cost winter the game, but I'll go with the cold.

7. Going to work early tomorrow... Need a decent night of sleep and I will wreck havoc at work tomorrow - like Sammy Sosa..... of 1998.

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-07-26T08:35:00.000-04:00

1. Is this a late 7 Wonders of the Day post that reflects Monday, or is it an early Tuesday post? Good question. I just had a conversation with myself, and it is still going on. Stop.

2. Just got the old crew back form some FFL action. I said I retired, and I pulled a Ricky and came back. I will not apologize, however. I don't smoke the pipe like him. I do not have a beard. I don't think anyone ever cared that I retired (except for those who want to win, because with me in the league now, I WILL win it all).

3. I just started trash talking. I love it.

4. It will be around, ehhhh, 100 degree. One hundred, son, one hundred.

5. I got downgraded to a sleek black swingline stapler here, but it does have racing stripes, and racing stripes make the stapler.

6. In 1995 Gregg Jefferies was 2nd in the league in AB/SO ratio. For every 18.5 at-bats, he'd strike out only 1 time. However, Tony Gwynn led the league in regards to that stat with a ratio of 35.7. Wow.

7. Another stat to be reckoned with - in the 1983-1984 QMJHL season, Mario Lemieux scored 133 goals, added 149 assists for a total of 282 points IN 70 GAMES. He won the scoring race by 112 points. Impressive.

I admit, I was not keeping it real

2005-07-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

Ok, first of all, I have been extremely busy this past week, and as a result, I was very tired. That led me to post very short and meaningless posts. However, I am trying to get back on board.

First, let me start off by introducing you to my Pittsburgh Penguins blog, which will be updated regularly this season. I bought a domain name, and it will soon be moving to PenguinsPride.com, but that is not final yet. This will allow my Penguin rants to be separate from my JKIR site.

Secondly, props to B-Man, who has been waiting diligently for his props since he found this article on ESPN. I have been meaning to post on it, but just have not had the time to do so.

Thirdly, I hope to continue 7 Wonders of the Day, as long as I can find time during my new hectic job. And now, back to the basics...
-----------------------
I always forgot how good jelly is. I knew I always liked it, but when you switch flavors, you truly appreciate the flavor. I had been on a grape kick, but switched to strawberry within the past hour or so. I have never been so happy (actually, that is a lie - I was probably the happiest I've been in years this past Friday at around 4:24 when the Penguins won the draft lottery). I have already had an almond butter and jelly sandwich as well as a slice with just strawberry jelly. I am quite satisfied.

I spent $8.99 on a deli sandwich for lunch. Wow. It was good, though.

I was told by J9 that she saw a pack of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish that said "Keepin' it real" on it. So, I was so excited and anxious to see this work of art, that I went into a Store 24 to see this. Low and behold, the pack is marketing that the buyer find "Finn" and Finn Fact #1 says, "Likely to be seen keepin' it real and possibly wearing shades." Now, the most fascinating this not that this package says KIR, but J9 found this while passing it in a Shaws. It is in size 1.5 font. Amazing (like the 69 Mets).

Entourage in mere moments. Out, and KIR.

Countdown to a FRENZY

2005-07-22T14:55:00.000-04:00

Yes, just mere moments until the bonehead Gary Bettman (who I applaud for his hardline stance) gets up and announces the lockout is OVER. 30-0, the owners approved. Now, I can start my Penguins Blog, a la D Rock and his Sox blog, and enjoy the NHL offseason, which is crammed into 2 months.

My fingers are crossed, and I hope, I PRAY, that the Penguins get the #1 pick. I can see NYR, BOS and LA getting top picks, and PIT being in the top 7, but who knows.

Rule changes, the draft lottery, and a new logo (woo haa) will be announed in just a matter of time... and then, the puck will drop in about 80 days or so...

Here's to Canada!

We wanted Ken O'brien but got Jim McMahon

2005-07-21T17:55:00.000-04:00

From left to right: Jim eating, Jim drinking, Jim still looking like a has-been.

As Clear as Jim McMahon's Helmet Visor

2005-07-21T17:33:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I couldn't wait, but the rumors are true, I did in fact party with Jim McMahon. Yes, you read the correctly, Jim McMahon. The tinted visor man himself. The 2 time super bowl champion Jim McMahon. The former Eagle, Jim McMahon.

Now, I could tell stories of my run ins with Ahmad Rashad, Donyell Marshall, and Judge Reinholds' partner in Beverly Hills Cop. However, I partied with McMahon. The guy told me that Eagle fans suck because they "boo'd the team when we walked into the Vet every home game." My response, word for word - "No shit, you guys sucked."

Anyway, I need time to rest since my sleep schedule is messed up. Monday netted me 2 hours of sleep (4am to 6am). Tuesday I got 3 hours (5am to 8am) and Wednesday I hit the jackpot with 4 hours sleep (3am to 7am). 9 hours of shut eye in 3 days...

I don't even know where to start

2005-07-20T16:23:00.000-04:00

I've been KIR at Mohegan Sun for a few days now, thanks to my national sales conference I am able to attend. All I know is that the earliest I've been to bed was 4, and the most sleep I got in one night is 3 hours (but I went to bed @ 5 that morning).

So many stories, so little time right now. More will come from my events this weeeknd, but always remember, use and abuse the open bar...and mini bar.... and your room card at the cash bar...... and your friends beers in their room

Gold Jerry, GOLD!

2005-07-17T16:14:00.000-04:00

I was watching Ski Patrol, which is quite possibly the worst movie of 1990, and maybe the better half of the 90's, and I saw the closing credit. Now, the closing credit kept it real and went with clips of the actors and their names. I came across Steve Hytner, who look unusually familiar. Low and behold, it is Banya from Seinfeld. Money.

-----------------------
I was watching the Great Outdoor Games and saw a preview of the X games coming up in LA. I then pondered, what I would like to see more. I've been to the X-Games (the second year it was help in Providence and Newport), and it was a great time. The Great Outdoor Games look very interesting though. It is a tough decision, but I think the 360 to a flare to a tailwhip beats someone waxing a 4ft saw while it is going through a log the size of my.... car.

----------------------

Went to the Sox/Yanks game yesterday afternoon. Saw 2 fights - in my row! Awesome. That is why I go to those games.

-----------------------

Exhausted. KIR.

MFR.

Clutch...

2005-07-15T09:14:00.000-04:00

This is an email I wrote to B-Man this AM to kick off the day, a Friday...word:

Holla?
Ashlea - gone... not even close... Eric was too happy when he got HOH...
it'll come back to bite him in the izzle.
That A-rod sucks, huh? I don't even like baseball all that much, so I
will shut up.

I am supposed to give a presentation at this sales meeting on Tuesday
and Wednesday. I was told this at 6:00 last night. Where is Bowie's
"Under Pressure" when you need it?

Just moments later, B-Man comes through in the CLUTCH and emails me Bowie with Queen singing "Under Pressure." Who the hell has an MP3 on their computer (at work, nonetheless) of Bowie singing "Under Pressure"?!??! B-Man does, and that is why he is clutch. And we all know, clutch is everything in life.

B-Man is KIMFR on this Friday

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-07-14T16:44:00.000-04:00

1. I now have to deal Fenway traffic on the T. I hate that. Nothing worse than a packed T for a few stops. Not looking forward to it.

2. To counter that, I am still pumped about the NHL season that will be played in 2005-2006. $.

3. My lunch had too much pesto. Pesto, what a word.

4. About to go into my first day with no help on my side. Scary, seriously. I am 25, and I think I can handle it. But still, it is a little uncomfortable, but I'll manage.

5. Crunk. Now THAT is a word, but it isn't... I will tell you what it is, though... Weird.

6. No sports were played last night and the NHL story was almost beat in the sports world by the Pistons and Larry Brown meeting. They met - in a conference room - and talked. The NHL was locked out for 301 days, met for 24 consecutive hours, and introduced a revolutionary salary cap into professional sports. Yet, Larry Brown's hip almost beat them.

7. Kelly Gruber. Clutch.

Even Jason Bay is Happy!

2005-07-13T22:55:00.000-04:00

Ok, so, I admit I wrote an entry about the deal earlier today, but I saved it as a draft. Now, I deleted it, since it was all about my "hopes" for a new CBA. Anyway, I will not bore you will the new CBA that will be ratified next week and lived out until 2012 (which I will be looking forward to, since it will be my second NHL lockout experience). Long live the NHL and see you in 2012!
-------------------
So, I was at the gym today, and I was exhausted. I could barley lift anything, and my energy level was low. So, as I was using an exercise ball, this lady walks in and is staring in my general direction. Now, at the time, I did not know she was eyeing my purple ball I was using, but she was. She walked all over the room and finally sat down. He quest was over. I was wrong. Now, I had no idea she was waiting to use this ball. She never approached me, so I had no clue. I was changing my music from "Evil Empire" to "The Battle of Los Angles" when she threw her hands up in the air (not to the extent of riding a coaster, but almost...). She then gives me an attitude and asks me how much longer I am going to be. So, I say 2 sets, maybe 3 minutes. She then gives me attitude and opens her "almost as fat as her ass" mouth and talks shit. I was too exhausted to actually listen to her, so F her...
------------------
My new job is killing me. I worked until 6ish, and got home at 7. I have no worked that late in months. Awful, but hey, it is worth it. I enjoy it so far.
------------------
I am waiting to see the new MADE episode on MTV about the high school jock that wants to be made into a sushi wrapper. Talk about ratings.
------------------
KIR. MFR.

Jason Bay Kept it Real

2005-07-12T08:26:00.000-04:00

Last night, Jason Bay of the Pittsburgh Pirates, kept it real. He did so by putting up a g00se egg in the home run derby. Out of all skill competitions, hitting zero homers in the derby is the most embarrasing. In football, well, they just started a skills competition. In the NBA, if you are selected to the 3pt shootout or dunk contest, chances are you are decent or at least, can make a 3 or get rim. If Lisa Leslie can dunk, anyone in the NBA can dunk (except for you, Earl Boynkins). In the NHL, well, there isn't one competition that people will make fun of you for failing. However, in MLB, if you hit grounders in the derby, you suck. If you hear, "Infield in!" and they actually move in, you're bad. If the pitcher strikes you out...looking! You're bad. Jason Bay, he kept it.
------------------------
Now that I do minimal work until my new job starts tomorrow, I get to surf the net like never before. Actually, that's a lie. I always did regardless. So, I stumble upon this fasinating link....

Click it... go ahead, right here... click it!

This is gold... pure 24K gold. Maybe one day I will have the balls to try a "side freeze" followed by a "toe jam" to a "broken ankles" only to close it out with a "Flair-Sprial-Split" combo.
-------------------------
Ok, click on this link and have fun with a Pedometer incorporated into a Google map.

Here be the link, thanks to D (it is set up to a general view of Boston)
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Why Weathermen Don't Keep it Real

2005-07-10T18:03:00.000-04:00

The newest trend in network TV coverage is to be the station that has the best storm coverage. This is a meterologist's dream. However, they get shut out. They report on the storm, direction it is taking, wind speed and storm surge, but they are not the players in the reporting. The players are the network ancors that look like fools standing up to 145mph winds and torrential downpours while people like me laugh.

It is now the 'cool' thing to do, that is, stand in the eye of the storm. Anderson Cooper was reporting in the middle of the storm with another reporter, and reported nothing. Windy. No shit. Raining hard. Really? There were pieces of alluminum flying around the area and every time a piece would go by, you would hear Coop, "Woah! Boy! There goes another peice of that sign!" Yah, maybe you should go inside, buddy.

Anyway, I just realized that every station tried to show up the others by having numerous reporters all over the Hurricane zone. Next time another 'Cane hits, just flip on CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews and your local channels, and watch... You'll see what I am talking about.

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-07-07T16:02:00.000-04:00

1. Sorry I have not been submitting this daily, but I will continue to try to do so... Weekdays only, though.

2. Our co-op is dumb. Our boss gave him a warning already. Co-op tried to rename a file by adding text after the file extention. Example: FileXYZ.xls[insert text here dipshit]

3. Co-op spends more time on the net than me. Imagine that!

4. Big Brother 7 is on tonight. That show tried to keep it real, but we will see how they do in 2005. I will try to watch.

5. I will not post anything on the NHL until they outright say the deal is done. I've been screwed too many times and I am not willing to get my hopes up again, only to be shot down hours later.

6. I realized that, no matter how hard I try, I will never, A) know the full words to Hotel California and B) I attempt to sing to that song much harder in my car rather than my home.

7. The dumb roommate is leaving! Yes, he is outta here in mere days! He got a job in Nashua and will be heading out of the apartment... I will return to normal stress level, and eventually decompress only minutes after he closes that door for the last time.

I Give Up!

2005-07-07T09:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, now TSN.CA says it is not done yet, but could be done by the weekend or even go into next week. You know what? I give. Wake me up when Mario is lined up with Kovalev on his right to take the opening face-off...

back to doing... not work...

NHL DEAL DONE!

2005-07-07T08:53:00.000-04:00

According to TheStar.com (Toronto Star) a deal has been STRUCK! No details yet but here is some insight:

The newspaper, citing anonymous sources close to the negotiations, said the agreement will feature a hard salary cap linked to 54 per cent of league revenue, a 24 per cent rollback of existing contracts and qualifying offers. It will also include a provision that will limit the salary of any player to 20 per cent of the team cap figure in any season.

It also seems that every team will have an equal shot to land Sid the Kid. Unreal.

Why I DO NOT Rap

2005-07-06T23:10:00.000-04:00

Holla, Holla,
27 percent here,
With a Labatt's near...
One, one, word and flow…

Inspirational, congregational,
I like to think I’m not confrontational,
Hockey sensational, not relational,
However, I always be motivational.

Grew up in the northeast,
But kept the hair off the grease,
Unlike the Gotti boys,
Who got all the toys,
Thanks to the life of a mobster,
They are lucky enough to eat all the lobster,
They want,
nonchalant

Cause I Holla, holla, H to the olla!
Keepin it real like a full time baller!
Cause I holla, holla, H to the olla!
Keepin it real cause I make big dollars!

Making sales of consumer goods merchandise,
Puffed rice? No that device, offered at a sweet price.
Who wants this box right here, Dontrell?
Ding dong, ring the bell, I made another hard sell,
And I tell you what, I’ll even throw in a free Duracell!

Cause I Holla, holla, H to the olla!
Keepin it real like Kennedy on the half dollar!
Cause I holla, holla, H to the olla!
Keepin it real cause I no Ivy League scholar!

Yeah…what, you heard what? Yeah… keep it real. Mother Fucking real!

It's a Whole New Game

2005-07-06T11:08:00.000-04:00

Yes, the new marketing slogan (marketing will be key) for the NHL will be, "It's a Whole New Game!" I could've guessed that, but it is much better than "The Coolest Game on Earth" since, well, it wasn't. To me and the Canadian sitting next to me it was, but not to Joe Schmo. However, "It's a Whole New Game" is a truthful slogan, and I like it.

The days cannot go by fast enough as I wait for the deal to be announced. Will it happen this week? Next week? Who knows, but it will happen very shortly. Former Atlanta (Thrashers, Hawks and Braves - the only man to be Pres of three clubs at the same time) President said that, "The deal is virtually done and it's not going to be just revolutionary for the NHL, it will be a new chapter in collective bargaining agreements for all sports because it will most closely tie together the fortunes of the owners and the players." So close I can feel the ice chips in my face. So close.

So, with that almost done, I am very curious to see the new NHL logo. What can it be? I wonder if it will have a red line represented on it, just for old time sakes. As a matter of fact, I bet the new logo is holding the deal up. Imagine that.

Until the new slogan, new logo, new league and hundreds of free agents... Christmas in July is coming... at least for me.

weekend recap...

2005-07-05T22:44:00.000-04:00

Friday:

I kept it real on FRI and stayed in. I knew this weekend was going to be a very expensive one, so I decided to rest and watch Raging Bull. Oddly enough, so did D and J9, only difference is that I disliked it and they (at least D) enjoyed it. I was extremley disappointed in it, but I may give it a second shot - who knows. DeNiro was good, yes, as was Pesci, but it was such a boring plot in my mind. Oh well.

Saturday:

This is where the fun started. I am not sure what I did on this day, except that my "let's eat every meal at a bar" streak officially started. Yes, I enjoyed the next 5 or so meals at some sort of bar and grill. Expensive, but good times. I was on a streak of ordering Chips and Salsa, which I threw down like Stone Cold in his prime. Anyhow, I enjoyed numerous chicken sandwiches and a wide variety of Canadian Beer. Proper.

Sunday:

This is where everything got interesting. Nevermind the 4th of July or my weekend, just focus in on Sunday. After being suprised by the porch closing of Kinvara, the crew of D, J9 and 27% (me) headed to a dive bar. Worse than a dive bar, but a dive bar. Not too bad, though. Nice juke box... good, but unusual crowd, and a fun time. After a few games of Keno (no one won the big pot), another crew met up with ours and that is when 27% took an interest in the pool games. This guy was winning game after game, and hit 15 straight. Then, picture a heroin addict with fucked up tattoo's and a piercing on the base of her nose. Odd? Yes. But worse is that she decided to have a conversation with me. It started with pool. STARTED with pool. Then, well, it was like me living in MA one day and then Somolia tomorrow. No, Somolia 2 minutes from now.

Since J9 had the whole world spinning in her mind (like Latrell Sprewell's shoes), D and her took off, leaving me with this girl and the second half of the crew. When the crew went to play darts, this chick started to get freaky. After a few minutes, I foudn out that she worked in an adult store (shocker!) and that I was invited to come in to shop for my girlfriend (that doesn't exist). Then, she asked me if I knew the cli$#orous (I'm going R rated on you guys, not XXX). My repsonse, "Yes." (this reminded me of the Will Ferrell scene in Jay and Silent Bob). Then, she went into some detail about how I didn't because I did not have a serious girlfriend. Whatever. At this point I was going to tell her I was a flaming homsexual just to get out of this conversation, because I knew where this was going (I am not gay, by the way).

After a few minutes of her boyfriend listening in (Larry was his name), she had her eyes attached to me. Odd, yes, but this whole story is odd, so hang on in there. After feeling very uncomfrtable for about 13 minutes (I'd rather walk into work with a jockstrap on than to be in that conversation again), she whipsered in Larry's ear... Ok, this is where I knew I'd be writing this story for my blog...That EXACT point in time. I was then told that her and her boyfriend were SWINGERS and asked me if I could join them tonight. Yes, just focus on the story now. She was fairly persistant in getting me to join them, although Larry wanted me to bring another girl for him. When she went to the bathroom shortly after annoucning this, Larry followed and I took off to talk to the crew. But, Larry got the last request in, "If you find another girl, let me know." Sure Larry, sure.

When I got back to the crew I was told I should've done it for the stories, but I think this is enough of a story. I'd rather be boring than have my shit touch someone elses shit... you get my drift?

So,

Monday:

Yeah, 4th of July. Ate out again, forgot my credit card at The Rattlesnake, D almost died from Catfish, D almost beat the shizzle out of a guy because Manny doesn't hustle enought (I'm not going into detail), drank some Jim and Coke, took some firework pictures, ripped about 27 hairs from J9's head with my watch, saw #33 firetruck (LJB) and got a ride home in an xB.

compared to Sunday night, everything is low key, sorry.

2005-07-05T12:49:00.000-04:00

All I will say right now is this: The 4th was fun. (now back to my 4 day weekend.)

Happy Times... Good Times... Hockey Time!

2005-07-01T17:19:00.000-04:00

Seriously, things cannot be going better for the NHL at the moment. Sure, they lost a ton of fans, they lost a full year of revenue, they made the league and the players look awful, but hey, this lockout (not a strike) had to be done. It had to be done to make the game healthy. If it went on like it currently was, it would've been insane. Chris Pronger was due to make $10M this year. That's only $11M less than the ENTIRE Nashville Predators team! Anyway, those days are over. They won't be back for a while, so, lets focus on the good stuff.

The end is almost here. Honestly, it is. They have been meeting for 15 hours A DAY for about 2 or 3 weeks now. They hav ethe rest of the week off and will be back next week to, if the rumors are correct, wrap the new CBA up. If not next week, it is almost a certain thing it will be wrapped up the following week. So, what is next?

After the Competition committee is set up, there will be a brief time period to get some team things done. First things first, the draft lottery. The NHL would be stupid not to have it rigged so that the number 1 pick, Sidney Crosby (Sid the Kid), is the NY Rangers. As much as I want my Pens to have him, they won't. The NY Rangers will have the #1 pick.

Teams will then be allowed to buy out contracts. Think about it - Chris Pronger makes $10M a year and the cap is $34M or so... Not gonna happen. Even AFTER the 24% automatic rollback in salaries, teams will still be forced to buy out contacts.

Then the fun stuff begins - news rules. The NHL will not be the same, no way. It will be a totally different game. Totally different. Smaller goalie pads and equipment, done. Tag-up offsides, done (thank god, as I hate the current offsides rule). Goal line, how do you feel like moving back a few feet? Well, you will be. Done. Obstruction? You think the refs will allow a stick to glance Mario while he cruises through the neutral zone? No way. EVERYTHING will be called so this game is open, fast and FUN. Those are certain, now, for the uncertain.

Shootouts are coming, but how will OT work? If the rumor is correct, I like it. After 60min of regulation, play 4 minutes of 4 on 4. Then, if you're still tied, 3 on 3 for 3 minutes. Great. Then a shootout if you're still tied. Well then, how about, in addition to this, you add 3 points for a regulation win, 2 for an OT/Shootout win and 0 (ZERO) for any type of loss. How is that good? Because team will HAVE to score. They will be aggressive. The game will be fun.

Fatter blue lines? Yeah, I like it. It was good in the AHL, make it good in the NHL. and the gruesome red line? See ya. At this point, take it out. I was a fan of it, but hey, if the game is going to be drastically different, get rid of it. The last thing I want to hear is, "Well, there is still a red line."

All of these things will make the game different, and more exciting. I love the game, love it. Will watch it when it comes back and I don't care if Joe Schmo doesn't. It will be more exciting, more interesting and easier to watch. Fewer whistles, more horns (goals) and more "Pittsburgh GOAL scored by number sixty-six, MARIOOOOOOOO LEMIIIEEEEUUUUUUUUUUXXXXX!"

2005-06-30T22:47:00.000-04:00

Well, with just 70 minutes left in the day, it looks like I predicted the wrong day for the NHL lockout to end.
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Right now, I am watching Tee Martin throw a TD pass in the CFL. I think he plays for Winnipeg, and they are playing Edmonton. I am an Edmonton fan, due to my respek! (yo) for the Oilers in the NHL. Ricky Ray is th QB for EDM. I guess his stint with the Jets was unsucessful.
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Not much doing at the moment, but I will be back tomorrow PM, as my 4 day weekend will start around 3ish tomorrow.

KIR

Gregg Jefferies > Mark Grace + Sid Bream + Jessie Barfield + Jesse Orosco - Kevin Mitchell + Ricky Henderson x Mike Stanley + Chris Sabo

2005-06-29T21:40:00.000-04:00

Since you will all be deprived of a Thursday afternoon entry, I decided to give you some Thursday AM reading, Wednesday night. Word.

So, to start things off, I called the d8k after he left me a message, and what happens? I got a BUSY signal. I was in shock. I almost dropped my phone. I almost choked on the air in my lungs. I almost fainted. A busy signal. The last time I got a busy signal (not including Ticketmaster) was back when Nirvana was tearing up the charts, "Studs" was the late night controversial show (wow, so much has changed), Bill and Ted just started their first of 2 blockbuster movies and Gregg Jefferies was snubbed by Mark Grace for first base in the all-star game. I am actually still in shock at the moment, but I'll get over it. A busy signal.

Anyway, enough of that. Speaking of the overrated Mark Grace, he was espn.com's trivia question today. Wonderful. I am waiting for Jessie Barfield, Alvaro Espinosa and Kevin McRynolds get their due. If I can reminisce for a moment - I had a shirt, one of the "big headed" shirts back in the early 90's that all kids would wear. You know, the cartoon body and huge head that had elaborate writing on it. Out of all the things that are coming back as "old school" traditions, I am shocked these are still in the shitter. I had a Kevin McRynolds, David Cone and Gregg Jefferies big head shirt. Wonderful. Not as good as my adult XL Mets Cone t-shirt jersey when I was 9. And to this day, I am still pissed at my mother for not letting me get the Gregg Jefferies t-shirt jersey because it was 'too big.' XL and XXL when I am 9 - there is no difference. So upset. Back to old school shirts.

Those were some good ones, as was my Denver Broncos poster of John Mobley (next to B-Dawk, M-Lew, DMC, TO, The Truck, etc... all eagles... he is/was my favorite player), Terrell Davis, Shannon Sharpe and John Elway. Clutch. Right next to that poster was a Tim Biankabatuka Carolina Pathers poster (I also have his jersey, proper). Right below that was a Mario Lemieux, Ron Francis and Jarmoir Jagr poster, which was money, since that year they came in 1st,5th and 2nd in the scoring race, which, to this day, I still find remarkable. I also had a Paul Kariya, numerous Lemieux posters, and my pride and joy, a poster of The Stanley Cup (wonder why my cat is named Stanley). If you are still on the fact that I do own a Tim Biankabatuka jersey, know this, I also own an authentic 'Neon' Deion Sanders Falcons jersey and a black Elway jersey. I don't mess around. I keep it real. Mother fucking real. Oh and to prove that I KIR (MFR), I never owned a baseball jersey, owned numerous hockey jerseys (about 4 Lemieux's, Jagr, Kariya, U of Maine, SJ Sharks (for my favorite all-time hockey player, Bob Errey), and an Edmonton Oilers), numerous football jerseys and 1 basketball jersey. I owned an authentic Phoenix Suns Barkley jersey. I rest my case, and you now know how cool I was, and how cool I must be at this moment.

Wow, those were the days, back when I collected baseball cards, found the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition comparable to Playboy and slept in a sleeping bag because I was superstitious (I slept in that thing until I was 18 and left for college... I swear, I am too superstitious).

I do have a story of when I kept it real and in turn, the FBI showed up at my door (I'm serious). Then, there was this time that I almost burned down my house because I lit a low margin (I sold, or traded, firecrackers for baseball cards when I was younger) firecracker and it jumped into my garage and started a huge fire. I initially tried to put it out with a glass of water, then I got the hose. Those were the days, and those stories will come, but not now.

Oh, and back to the busy signal, THAT is keepin it real.

7 Wonders of the Day

2005-06-29T15:21:00.000-04:00

1. I managed to do nothing today. Ok, maybe 10 minutes of work, but basically nothing. Next will be 'busy' since I need to close the books, and since I did nothing this week, I will be busy since I need to write my whoe "documentation" book. Fun times. Proper.

2. Tomorrow, the NHL lockout will end (or at least a deal will be struck and sent for ratification).

3. I am waiting for a downpour today. I would like to run in the rain and pretend I am running away from a hurricane. Much cooler than you think.

4. March of the Penguins starts this Friday in Boston. I will be seeing this.

5. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm/Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm/Once there was a kid who/Got into an accident and couldn't come to school/But when he finally came back/His hair had turned from black into bright white/He said that it was from when/The cars had smashed him so hard

6. Saved by the Bell classic episode yesterday morning. It was when Jesse is hooked on caffeine. Fantastic episode, and quite frankley, Spano deserved an Emmy.

7. Fine point > Ball point. Mechanical pencils > Lead pencils. Spiral notebooks > 3 ring binders. 12in ruler > yardstick.

Not Keepin' It Real

2005-06-29T08:31:00.000-04:00

First off, there is a huge difference between "Not Keepin' It Real" (NKIR) and "When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong" (WKIRGW). When someone is NKIR, they were not trying to KIR in the first place, while WKIRGW, the subject was trying to KIR, but it just took a turn for the worse.

That said, I click on CNN and see this:

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The National Academy of Sciences is proceeding with publication of a study outlining how terrorists could contaminate the U.S. milk supply with botulism -- despite complaints that the article is a "road map for terrorists."

This is not cool, and in turn, NKIR. Cereal will never be the same. I cannot enjoy mt Total Raisin Bran, nor can I enjoy my Corn Pops to the fullest. Protein shakes will be watered down, and oatmeal will be as firm. It is a sad, sad day, when people start targeting our fucking milk supply.